Looking back and looking forward

So it's summer for me, which means that I don't have work for another 4 or so weeks. I took a graduate class for my autism teaching endorsement, which was in the evenings for one week, and I tutor a few kids on the side. I have also been given the opportunity to do more with worship music at the church. I am so blessed how God opens doors to allow me to work in my areas of passion: teaching and music.

Well, it's been almost four weeks since I've been home from Africa. It's given me more time to think over everything I took in over those 16 days. What I've realized most is that I am so fortunate to be where I'm at not just monetary wise but in literally every area of my life. This has also been highlighted to me through the Follow Me study I am doing by David Platt. It is so encouraging and uplifting. It is also extremely enlightening. This whole idea of God desiring ME is so simple yet so mind blowing all at the same time.

I was reflecting over a few things the last couple days, and I realized how I am so glad that God has this perfect plan for my life. I'm also EXTREMELY thankful that God doesn't answer every request that I have because it is not in His will. I love working with teens because it gives me opportunities to share my experiences with God and personal parts of my testimony.

When I talk with many 16 year old girls, I love hearing about their desires for their futures, which typically involves their current crush. However, it got me thinking back to when I was 16, and when I was 16, I had a very different plan for my life. My 16 year old self would be dying if she saw how my life turned out. She'd be dying because it wasn't anything how she pictured or dreamed it to be. At 16 I imagined I would meet the man of my dreams sometime between then and 18. I would be engaged when I was about 19 or 20. I would finish my teaching degree in elementary education (not anything related with special education) at the age of 21. I would graduate in April and be married in May or June. I would have a job lined up and start working right away. I would be happily married for about 3 years before trying for kids. And voila! At the age of 25, I would have the makings of a happy little family with the perfect job. Sounds delightful, right?

Well let's take a look at how life really turned out since the age of 16: I changed my degree from music therapy to secondary education with a focus in special education within my first year of college.  I never dated a guy while I was in college or in general for that matter. I did graduate at the age of 21. I decided I didn't want to try for a job but would rather pursue graduate school right away, while substitute teaching on the side. I realized a year after obtaining my teaching degree that I was finally ready to have a "real" teaching job. It took months before landing my current, amazing job. I was 22 and three weeks into the 2011-2012 school year when I started. I finally finished my Master's degree at the age of 24. I've been on two fantastic mission trips to Africa. And, that pretty much sums up my life to the present day. It is now the summer of 2013, and I turn 25 in approximately 6 months. To date, I have yet to really date a guy...that's kind of a big deal because that is opening the door for a larger commitment. I've made a whole-hearted decision to wait until marriage to have my first kiss (my 16 year old self would be gagging right now). What I'm most looking forward to, as in a relationship, is that I can say to the man I married that I truly saved every experience for him. I want my heart to be completely in it, not 99% or 80% but 100%. When I marry the man that God sees me with, I will be sure that 100% of myself is being given to him and only him. As for right now, I'm just happy to be where I'm at, where God has placed me. His timing is perfect, and I am learning patience is the most wonderful yet one of the most difficult virtues to uphold.

I know God has a purpose in every opportunity I encounter. Sometimes life may not go as expected. Okay, pretty much nothing has gone as expected. But, you know what? That's perfectly fine. I wouldn't have it any other way. I've learned a lot from the 24 years I've journeyed with God. I've had my miserable, horrific moments, and I've had my joyous, euphoric moments. However, through it all, God has always been there. I am so beyond ecstatic to serve a God who created me in His image, who formed me to reflect His love and beauty, who gave me unique gifts to worship Him, and above all else, who desires for me to commune with Him every single moment of every single day. How much better could it get?! Well, it can't! That's why I CHOOSE to desire God.

Back home

After 32+ hours of travel, the team has finally arrived home safely. It has been quite the journey over the past 16 days. I am so glad to be home and back with my family. It is kind of strange getting back into the swing of things, though. I miss waking up in the mornings to have breakfast and devotions with the amazing 33 people. I miss the always constant weather of cool in the mornings and warm in the afternoon with gorgeous blue skies followed by star-filled evenings. As I'm typing this, it is saddening to look outside to gray skies and no sign of the sun. However, I am appreciative of where I live and how much God has blessed me.

Spending the last few days in Livingstone has given me quite a bit of time to reflect on this trip. One person asked me how this year was different from last year. That's a tough question but a great one. This trip has been different, not that I would expect it to be the same. The most noticeable difference is the fact that I was excited to be coming back home this year. Last year, I, honestly, was not looking forward to coming home. Actually upon returning, I became extremely isolated because I was so moved by what I saw but not sure how to handle it, emotionally. Not that I'm not moved this year, but I was so touched last year that I would have dropped everything and relocated to Africa. Once I processed everything during the summer of 2012, I was able to learn quite a bit and apply it to my life here in America. Now, going back a second time, I am still in love with the country of Zambia. However, I have such a greater appreciation of how God has blessed me with my family, friends, home, job, and church family. I've realized over this last year that God has placed me in my current position for a reason and for that I am thankful.

I can't wait to see how I'm going to use everything that I've learned from this trip. I'm still in the process of doing a lot of reflecting. However, if I was asked to describe my emotions from this trip in one word, it would have to be GRATEFUL. Grateful for a loving family. Grateful for clean water. Grateful for safe food to eat and ALWAYS having food any time I want. Grateful for access to multiple Bibles in my house. Grateful to be living in a house that has running water, working electricity, and a roof that doesn't leak. Grateful for my cozy bed and comfortable living environment. Grateful for a plethora of clothes and shoes. Grateful for all the "wants" God has blessed me with, even if I necessarily don't "need" them. Grateful for a job. Grateful for all the opportunities God gives me. Overall, just grateful!