Trust

Over the past few days, the only words I have been hearing are “trust Me, I have everything under control.” God has really been laying it on thick regarding trust, and I know it is because that is my biggest battle. As I was spending time with Him last night, I was brought to Psalm 31:19-24:

19 How great is the goodness

   that you’ve reserved

   for those who honor you,

   that you commit to those

   who take refuge in you—

      in the sight of everyone!

20 You hide them

in the shelter of your wings,

   safe from human scheming.

   You conceal them in a shelter,

   safe from accusing tongues.

21 Bless the LORD,

   because he has wondrously revealed

   his faithful love to me

   when I was like a city under siege!

22 When I was panicked, I said,

   “I’m cut off from your eyes!”

But you heard my request for mercy

   when I cried out to you for help.

23 All you who are faithful, love the LORD!

   The LORD protects those who are loyal,

      but he pays the proud back

      to the fullest degree.

24 All you who wait for the LORD,

be strong and let your heart take courage.

As I have been going through quite a bit over the past six months, God has been my refuge. He has protected me and kept me guarded from the evil schemes of the enemy. Although I have had to face some fiery trials, He does not give me anything I can’t handle. Also, by facing fiery trials, it is a part of the refining process in my relationship with Him. Think about it: The way that gold and silver are refined is through fire. It is the fire that burns the bad parts away and allows it to be formed in the image that the maker wants. God has a purpose for everything, and when I go through the fire, it is only going to make me stronger. He is just making me into who He called me to be. The best part of it all is that I don’t have to do it alone. God is right there, each step of the way.

These past few weeks have been an exciting adventure. I can’t wait to see what God continues to reveal to me. I can’t wait to see how His plan unfolds.

"All you who wait for the LORD, be strong and let your heart take courage." (Psalm 31:24)

Little bits of everything

I feel like I have so much going through my head. I don't even know where to start. Well, I have discovered that my biggest battle is trusting God. I guess there is a small part of me that toils with the idea that He won't come through on His promises and that I have to step in to help Him. I'm really struggling with this. I know God has a plan, but it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anywho, moving away from the daily battle with my self and the struggle to put God first in every situation. I'm currently taking classes at a worship school, and I had to write a paper on what worship means to me. I thought I would share it.

Worship is a powerful word that plays a major role in our relationship with Christ. Many times people use this word without really knowing what it is. They typically think praise and worship have the same meaning, but this is not the case. In simple terms, to praise God is to lift Him up or exalt Him; to worship God is to bow down before Him. When I hear the word worship, two things come to my mind: worship as more than just on Sunday and David.

To me, worship is done more than just on a Sunday morning. I strive to worship God in my daily life. However, what does this really mean? Worship is to bow down. To bow down is a symbol of sacrificing or submitting yourself to God. I would also argue that this means to remain separated or consecrated unto God. In Numbers 6:2 Moses writes that the Nazarites would “separate themselves unto the Lord.”  I desire to be a modern day Nazarite. Worshipping God is having the ability to sacrifice our selfish needs as a way to grow closer in a relationship with Him. I want my every day activities to be worship unto Him; I have a desire to be holy and acceptable in His sight.

Along with this desire to be holy and acceptable in His sight, I also want a heart like David’s. David is one of the most well-known worshippers in all of history. What David had that many people seem to miss the mark on in regards to worship is that he was a man after God’s own heart. The description of David is truly one of the simplest examples of a worshiper, to chase after God’s heart and really have a desire to be like Him. This, once again, relates back to the idea of submitting ourselves to God and being consecrated unto Him.

Worship seems like such a simple act. However, people are continuously worshipping other idols and looking to the world for answers. Fortunately there is an solution to all of this and it is a pure and simple relationship with Christ, where worship is a daily act. As we focus our worship to being a continuous activity, the things of this world fade away and our focus becomes heavenward. Worshipping God through our lives is only a glimpse of the type of worship we will partake in once we reach heaven. We should relish the opportunities we are given to worship God here on earth.

So I think that's all for right now. I FINALLY finished The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker. I have a lot to say about what it taught me and what it confirmed that I already knew. However, that will be for another post. I'll also have to update on how God is teaching me about trusting Him.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Context & Confusion: The Best Description

I guess the best way to start this post is that there comes a point in time where people need to agree to disagree. I will always have my beliefs, and nothing will cause me to waver. The post I was referring to decided to take a moment to rebuttal what I wrote in my last post: Maybe I Should Attend TheCall After All, Context and Confusion. I completely respect him for following up to what I said. What I have realized over the past years is that it is in these moments, such as TheCall, that there will be a line drawn amongst the different beliefs of Christians. Sadly, I wished it would be the opposite. I wished it would bring unity, which really is one of the core values of TheCall.


As for bad theology, Biblical illiteracy, pride, and gullibility, I was quite taken back by these remarks. I have to say that when I wrote the response I sat at my table with a print-out copy of the original post and a Greek-Hebrew, KJV Bible. Also, being raised by a mother who has her degree in theology, I know to not take it out of context and the importance of looking at the history behind the scripture. I'm also very cautious and completely prayed-up and guarded-up before attending any church-related event. I want my motives to be pure and acceptable in His sight. However, I do realize that Paul states that "God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty" (1 Corinthians 1:17). So, God is always using situations to make me stronger in my relationship with Him.


However, I understand these were not remarks just towards me but also the people I associate with or "the circle." Therefore, I believe it is important to argue that Lou Engle, Mike Bickle, IHOP, etc. believe in the Bible in its entirety. When I say this, I mean speaking in tongues, prophetic words, signs & wonders, etc. are all for today. This is where many Christians draw the line because they don't want to dabble in that area. However, if you just read in Acts 2 regarding what is says happened on the day of Pentecost and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit...well you can't get any plainer than that. Acts 2:16-21 even references a verse from Joel regarding what WILL happen in the last days: "But this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: 'And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, that I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. And on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days; and they shall prophesy. I will show wonders in heaven above and signs in the earth beneath: blood and fire and vapor of smoke. The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the coming of the great and awesome day of the LORD. And it shall come to pass that whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.'" Newsflash, we ARE in the last days because we know the signs of His coming, as referenced in Matthew 24.


In regards to the comment about this group of people saying that it is the church's job to bring Christ back and not by what is said in Matthew 24:14...well, I think you need to listen to people like Wes Martin, David Sliker, and Zack Hensley, who come out of IHOP, AND (of course) read the Bible. Before Jesus ascended into Heaven, He said, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19-20). There are two things here that I would like to point out. (1) We are commanded to go into ALL the world and preach the gospel. This is the Great Commission. So it is the church's job to preach the gospel, which will eventually lead to the second-coming of Jesus. (2) We are to baptize them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Going back to Acts 2, when the power of the Holy Spirit fell (aka baptism of the Holy Spirit), they began to speak in tongues, perform signs & wonder, prophecy, etc. So, we should naturally walk in this power IF the Holy Spirit is truly living inside of us. 


I guess what this leads to is discernment. Yes, the author of the rebuttal is completely accurate in saying that you need to do your work. This does not mean that researching the Internet is going to get your answers or only choosing the verses that you like. You need to dig down deep into the scriptures. You need to experience, first-hand, what REALLY happens at these type of events. BUT most importantly, you need to ask Jesus for discernment. The point of being a Christian is to have a relationship with Jesus Christ; it is through that relationship that Jesus will give you direction regarding situations. 


I pray that you rely on Jesus, who is the Cornerstone. He will guide you through every step you take, and He is on the only one that you can EVER trust.

Why I WILL Be Attending “TheCall” in Detroit

Tonight I read a post that came up on my newsfeed on Facebook about reasons why a person shouldn't attend TheCall in Detroit on 11-11-11. My first emotion was disappointment then along came frustration. Let me begin by saying that I did not and do not agree with anything this post has to say, and I wanted to take a moment to clarify some things regarding TheCall, Lou Engle, The International House of Prayer (IHOP), etc.

The first point that is brought up in this post is that Lou Engle has been saying the exact same message since 2000. Well, if a person did any research or sat under a message by Lou Engle, they would soon find out that The Call is a movement. So, yes Lou Engle has been, essentially, pressing in for similar things as he goes from city to city. Lou Engle’s dream is based on “how can we, as followers of Christ, turn America back go God?” His vision is to see a generation, a nation of Nazarites.

Okay, well you might be thinking, what are Nazarites? Nazarite originates from the Hebrew word “nazir,” which means to be separate or consecrated. In Numbers 6:2 Moses writes that the Nazarites would “separate themselves unto the Lord.” We should want to see a holy generation, a generation wanting to bring justice.

Now if you’re one of those people who believe that Jesus came to abolish the law (which I’ll get into that later), well you might be thinking, “that’s only referencing the Old Testament.” Well, yes, but here is what is says in 2 Corinthians 6:17: “Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.” So even in the New Testament, we, as Christians, are called to separate ourselves unto God. We need to have a desire to be holy and acceptable in His sight.

In regards to being a generation that wants to bring justice, this is clearly listed in a couple places in the New Testament.

• “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
• “For we know Him who said, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. And again, ‘The LORD will judge His people.’” (Hebrews 10:30)

How do you know that the Lord will judge His people? Well, He says so, as read above. It’s also important to note that those who walk in a relationship with Christ are considered the just. It says in Hebrews 10:38 that “the just live by faith.” So let’s dig a little deeper, what is faith? “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Okay, let me bring this back to how it relates to TheCall.

TheCall is about seeing a nation turn back to its first love, Jesus. It is about a nation getting on its knees in prayer and fasting and repenting for all the sins that have been committed, with a big emphasis being on abortion. Read what is says in Revelation 2:4-5: “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.” Going a little further, we’ll look at two scriptures that address the lampstand:

• “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)
• “Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish. Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight a cry was heard: ‘Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.’ And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut. Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us!’ But he answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.” (Matthew 25:1-13)

So, we are called as a nation to repent, and TheCall is just living out what God calls us to do in Revelation. I pulled out the two passages from Matthew because I wanted you to see the representation of the lampstand. (1) We are to let our light shine before all men. We should desire to outshine the ways of the world. (2) If we don’t make sure to have oil in our lamps, in other words if we don’t prepare for Jesus’ coming, we will be left behind. Do we really want to miss Jesus’ coming? Who wants to live eternity in hell? I sure don’t. Reading this, I want to repent for all the sins of I have done, all the sins I have allowed my country to do, and all the sins that my past generations have accepted. TheCall is just bringing this idea to the forefront. Christians tend to be unaware of what their actions will do when facing Christ on judgment day.

Moving on. The United State of America WAS founded on Christian principles. In the posting I’m arguing against, there is a statement that because America was founded on Christian principles, God has to bless us. Well, actually if you read the Bible, in Exodus 23 24 God specifically states, “you shall serve the LORD your God, and He will bless your bread and your water. And I will take sickness away from the midst of you.” Well the author of the original post furthers the statement by saying that America does not have a covenant relationship with God because we are not Israel. Okay, well if there is anything I have learned, it is that God is no respecter of persons. Look at what God has to say in Acts and Romans:

• “Then Peter opened his mouth and said: ‘In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality. But in every nation whoever fears Him and works righteousness is accepted by Him. The word which God sent to the children of Israel, preaching peace through Jesus Christ—He is Lord of all—that word you know, which was proclaimed throughout all Judea, and began from Galilee after the baptism which John preached: how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him. And we are witnesses of all things which He did both in the land of the Jews and in Jerusalem, whom they killed by hanging on a tree. Him God raised up on the third day, and showed Him openly, not to all the people, but to witnesses chosen before by God, even to us who ate and drank with Him after He arose from the dead. And He commanded us to preach to the people, and to testify that it is He who was ordained by God to be Judge of the living and the dead. To Him all the prophets witness that, through His name, whoever believes in Him will receive remission of sins.’” (Acts 10:34-43)
• “Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance? But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who “will render to each one according to his deeds”: eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality; but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek; but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God. For as many as have sinned without law will also perish without law, and as many as have sinned in the law will be judged by the law (for not the hearers of the law are just in the sight of God, but the doers of the law will be justified; for when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them) in the day when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ, according to my gospel.” (Romans 2:1-16)

So what can you take away from these passages? Christian or non-Christian, God will judge both. A label is not worth anything. It isn’t about good works. It’s about a relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s about being the hands and feet of Jesus.

Okay, the author in the original post makes a point regarding 2 Chronicles 7:14 that it is about individual repentance not a nation. Since when did God appoint someone to read between the lines and say “this promise is NOT for America?” Once again this is going back to that belief that Jesus abolished the law, therefore the Old Testament information is mere historical fact not information that can be applied to every day life. I guess this is a breaking point to bring up the fact that Jesus FULFILLED the law. Therefore the Old Testament still applies much to my life as it did to the Israelites’ lives thousands of years ago. Jesus said, “[do] not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” Why do I bring this up? Well, the post makes a comment that TheCall and Lou Engle make references to obscure Old Testament passages. Since when did passages from the Old Testament become “obscure”? Please, enlighten me. Everything I have read is completely in context, even the point that is made about desiring the Spirit of Elijah (which I will address in a little bit).

Going back to this claim regarding 2 Chronicles 7:14. Well, then why will we, as the bride of Christ, be responsible for the shedding of innocent blood? By remaining isolated as a church, it is a betrayal of God’s purpose according to Acts 2. We as Christians have become accustomed to the ways of the world, by allowing abortion and homosexuality to run rapid. Did you know that more babies are killed through abortion in one year in ONLY America than the amount of people that were killed during World War II? Doesn’t that make you sick? Think of all the families that want to have children, but for one reason or another, can’t. Think about what God said to Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” (Jeremiah 1:5). Remember, God is no respecter of persons. Therefore, He knew each and every single person before they were knit together in their mother’s womb. So, when we, as a church, sit back and don't repent for our sins, we are essentially ignoring God’s purpose.

Well some people might argue that where sin abounds, grace abounds (Romans 6). That is, in fact, true. However, the piece of information that people miss is that you can’t knowingly sin: “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not!” (Romans 6:15). So, we can’t just ignore the sin and hope that grace and time will fix it. It says in Jude 1:23 that some people have to be saved “with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.” Or better yet, how about what it says in James 5:19-20: “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” We are supposed to chase after those who are sinning. We are supposed to desire to change what the world thinks is okay, such as abortion and homosexuality.

Remember, our goal, as Christians, is Heaven: “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). If we could, wouldn’t we want every person on this planet to have an eternal life, glorifying Jesus Christ? So, once again, this is why we need a call to repentance. This is why we need to press into God to heal our lands. Oh, but wait, the author of the post says this is moralism. Really? Since when did God healing and blessing our lands have anything to do with morality?

On the kick of morality, the post goes on to make a statement regarding people needing the gospel and making a subtle comment about not focusing on the Cross. My comment is, if you’ve never been to a meeting with Lou Engle, a pre-Call event, an IHOP conference, etc. then YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK! It is about spreading the gospel because we are the hands and feet of Jesus. It is about the Cross.

Oh and, why pray all night for something God has already given us a solution for? Well, try and answer that one yourself. Why is our world facing more tribulations and more wars than ever before? Our only solution is to humble ourselves before God and seek His face. Wait, that’s based from 2 Chronicles 7:14. So, hmmm…can’t use that, right? BUT it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 that we are to “PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.” And here is where I bring in my point of the Spirit of Elijah that we should desire. Quick recap: Elijah was the prophet that did not stop praying until he saw God move. We should not want to stop, similar to Elijah, until we see our nation on its knees, coming back to its first love, Jesus Christ, and even then we are still commanded to pray without ceasing.

Changing gears to address one more thing in the post: blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. According to the post I’m arguing against, Lou Engle blasphemies the Holy Spirit and John MacArthur states that Lou Engle and Mike Bickle of IHOP dishonor God. Here is what MacArthur states, “For example, they [believe they] have authority equal to the Apostles. They have the same power the Apostles had through the Holy Spirit to do miracles and to exercise that power and they’ve had it since 2001. Some of them fall into the prophet category, some of them fall into the Apostle category, they speak what the Holy Spirit reveals to them with the same authority the Apostles have.” Once again, God is no respecter of person. Also, since when did signs and wonders become a move that's NOT of the Holy Spirit? It states that it “was declared at first by the Lord, and it was attested to us by those who heard, while God also bore witness by signs and wonders and various miracles and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will” (Hebrew 2:3-4). So, if we are moving as directed by the Holy Spirit, signs and wonders SHOULD automatically follow. Signs and wonders were common occurrences during Jesus’ time and when the Apostles were ministering. Why do we think that should change? Surprise, we shouldn’t!

So TheCall is a movement that is releasing the Spirit of Elijah on a generation. TheCall is about preparing us to be a Nazarite people. We should want to pray without ceasing. We should want to see God heal our nation. We should want to see God bring this country back to the principles it was founded on. In order for this to happen we need to fast and pray until we see God break open the heavens and send revival. Yes, I used the word: REVIVAL. There is a revival coming. God is raising up an army. It is your choice whether you will join it. However, I know for a fact that I will be ready to be on the front lines. It will only get worse before it gets better, and I want to be prayed up. When I’m facing the judgment seat of Christ, I want to hear Him say “well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25) and not "depart from me, you worker of iniquity” (Matthew 7).

A call to fast

The Call is approaching! I'm SOOOOOO excited that I can barely contain myself. Twenty-four hours of crying out to God with thousands of other believers is going to be an experience I will never forget. My heart's desire is to be that Elijah generation. I want to pray without ceasing. I want to pray until God moves. 

In preparation for The Call, we have been asked to fast. However, I realized not many people understand the true purpose of a fast. Honestly, I guess I never knew the extent, until reading Isaiah 58. After reading, it made me realize that I just might have, in the past, done exactly what the prophet tells us NOT to do. 

I've decided to break Isaiah 58:1-9 down. In the first part, Israel is crying because they feel as if they worship God all the time but aren't seeing Him move in their circumstances. God is telling them that they act pious.

 ¹ “Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast.
      Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
   Tell my people Israel of their sins!
    ² Yet they act so pious!
   They come to the Temple every day
      and seem delighted to learn all about me.
   They act like a righteous nation
      that would never abandon the laws of its God.
   They ask me to take action on their behalf,
      pretending they want to be near me.
 ³ ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
      ‘Why aren’t you impressed?
   We have been very hard on ourselves,
      and you don’t even notice it!’

God rebuttals them and explains the wrong reasons for fasting:

   “I will tell you why!” I respond.
      “It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
   Even while you fast,
      you keep oppressing your workers.
 ⁴ What good is fasting
      when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
   This kind of fasting
      will never get you anywhere with me.
 ⁵ You humble yourselves
      by going through the motions of penance,
   bowing your heads
      like reeds bending in the wind.
   You dress in burlap
      and cover yourselves with ashes.
   Is this what you call fasting?
      Do you really think this will please the Lord?

God then goes on to explain this is why we should fast:

 ⁶ “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
   Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
      lighten the burden of those who work for you.
   Let the oppressed go free,
      and remove the chains that bind people.

In terms of fasting, we can't just crawl into a corner and pray for things to happen. We need to actively serve. Jesus expected to serve and not be served (Matthew 20:28). So, we should have this same mindset. We need to put our words and thoughts into action, not just sit back and wait for God to move. In order to see the change, we must be the change.

⁷ Share your food with the hungry,
      and give shelter to the homeless.
   Give clothes to those who need them,
      and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

By following His idea of a fast, this is what will happen: 

 ⁸ “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
      and your wounds will quickly heal.
   Your godliness will lead you forward,
      and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
 ⁹ Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
      ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.

A fast is NOT for pleasure. It is NOT to be done with a horrible attitude. Well, then what really is the purpose of a fast? Fasting is supposed to break the chains of injustice, free the oppressed, cancel debts, etc. It is supposed to bring us closer in our walk with God. We fast to intercede. We fast to see God move in a situation.


Going back to what I originally started this post out with. If you haven't heard of The Call, I suggest you go check it out: The Call. God is going to move mightily. I can't wait to see how He uses us, His people. Be prepared world because there is an army rising up. An army that does not back down. An army that is keen to every move that might be thrown at them. This army is going to fight and this army is going to win!

Just waiting

Can I just be real for a second? I, honestly, believe that guys do not have emotions. I cannot understand how they can say they like a girl and then two second later, get over them and be interested in someone else. Girls get attached, and it takes more than a second to get over them. I feel like most guys do not grasp this concept. However, when they go and make a move like telling them their interested in someone else, it definitely forces a girl to move on quickly...and not look back.

Okay, if you haven't figured out, this happened to me, but you know what? It was honestly the best thing ever. No, I didn't cry over it. There's no point because I realized part of me had already moved on. However, I am slightly disappointed in the person, but I'm mostly mad at myself. Why, you ask? 1. I let my guard down and allowed someone to step in a take a very tiny part of my heart, but it was a part of my heart, nonetheless. Many people do not consider what happened to be taking part of my heart, but because I have no relationship background, it was a very VERY tiny part of it. 2. I wished I could backtrack and have made different decisions. 3. I wished I didn't get emotionally attached.

Even though I might be mad at myself, I am not, at all, regretting anything. Actually I am very thankful for it. It made me realize that I let my guard down too easily and allowed someone, who I (at one time) cared about, to step in. I have also come to the conclusion that I have to force myself to not get emotionally attached to a guy until both he and I realize that we're supposed to marry each other. I realized that when I do meet my future husband, he will have to work VERY hard to enter my heart. I'm going to force him to stay outside until I'm ready to awaken love. This is just another reminder of Song of Solomon 2:7.

How did I get past this so quickly without any hurt? I gave it to God. Okay, I know it sounds slightly redundant, but I did an activity that I learned from doing Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (EHS) with my church last year. I wrote the person a letter; however, it's a letter that I will NOT send. This letter allowed to me to say everything that I wanted to say. It allowed me to vent and let out everything I was bottling up. I'm taking that letter along with a few other things and will be burying it...literally, burying it. What happened in the past, stays in the past. I'm moving on and looking forward to all the wonderful things God has in store, which I know will include my amazing, God-fearing, heart-guarding husband. However, until that time comes, I am going to remain asleep in God's loving arms.

Life is full of heartbreaks, but God is the ultimate Healer. It is at the Cross that I am renewed and find rest. Thank You, Jesus, for Your unfailing love. Thank You for restoring me to the person You created me to be. I am blessed to serve an amazing God, like You!!

All of this has reminded me of an amazing song that three young ladies wrote a few years back: "Average Girl" by BarlowGirl.

There's no such thing as normal

So I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as normal. In a couple posts over the last month, I kept talking about having to get used to this idea of life as it is being normal or normal finally settling in. As soon as I say that, I'm pretty sure God, who of course has a wonderful sense of humor, decides to completely rock my world in one way or another. These moments are definitely bittersweet.

God has really been teaching me on this concept of just trusting Him and glorifying and praising Him in every situation. From Psalm 57 to Psalm 63, God is just reminding me through the words of David why I need to praise Him and why I desire to praise Him.

Also, God has been reminding me that He holds onto all His promises. Studying Romans, and specifically Romans 4 this past week, I am reminded that God never fails. He always comes through on everything that He has promised from Sarah having a child to Abraham being a father of many nations. However, this passage reminded me that our timing may not always being the same timing God has planned.

This is soooo true with my life. In the past I was typically patient and content with waiting, but as I have grown, I have found this patience to fall to the wayside. I've been sucked into the world's idea of instant gratification. Sadly, I need to pull away from this. I need to remember, with my job being an example, that God's timing is perfect and that there is a reason He does not allow certain things to happen right away.

As for relationships, which I've brought up in the past, God has really been drawing me to this idea of not awakening love until the time is right. I've become content with who I am and who God is changing me to be. Sometimes I find it hard though as my two greatest desires were to work as a teacher and get married. Now that I'm employed as a teacher, I am anxiously waiting and anticipating the second desire. However, I HAVE to keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect and I just have to trust Him. It even says in Song of Solomon 8:4: "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

Now continuing on this topic, I came across this artist, Teshuva, who are a husband and wife team (Sam and Angela). I love their style, but most importantly, I love the lyrics of their songs. Two of their songs are love songs that they wrote for each other to sing on their wedding day, one from her point of view and the other from his point of view. I feel that it is very connected to what I've been writing on and will include a link to both the songs at the bottom of this post. Angela sings ("Arms of Love") about not awakening love but goes on to relate how that love between husband and wife is an example of Yahweh's love for us. Sam sings ("All I Want") about not entering in to take a piece of her heart and how he will sit outside and wait for her to wake. Teshuva has it right when it comes to love. They understand that love and affection is not just an emotion that can be played with, but something that must be taken seriously. Most importantly, when that love is found, we need to wait for God's perfect timing. We need to be reminded that the love that comes from a relationship is just a mere glimpse of God's amazing love for us, His creation. Love really is one of the most powerful, if not THE most powerful, emotion that God created, and although heartbreak happens, it is such a wonderfully mysterious part of life. And this is just one reason I anxiously anticipate marriage :)

Getting through it

I've been spending quite a bit of solitary time with God lately. It's been great and God has been opening my eyes to so many things. I've had a phenomenal week, but I know the coming weeks are going to be very hard adjusting to various things. I have a feeling I'll be on a (closet) mini-emotional roller coaster trying to get everything figured out and getting used this idea of life as normal (for now...at least). Thinking about it could make me cry. However, I just need to focus my eyes on Jesus and look forward to the future and what God has in store.


These past couple days, God has been bringing me to Isaiah 58:9-14.



⁹ Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
      ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.
   “Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
      Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
 ¹⁰ Feed the hungry,
      and help those in trouble.
   Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
      and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
 ¹¹ The Lord will guide you continually,
      giving you water when you are dry
      and restoring your strength.
   You will be like a well-watered garden,
      like an ever-flowing spring.
 ¹² Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
      Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
      and a restorer of homes.
 ¹³ “Keep the Sabbath day holy.
      Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
   but enjoy the Sabbath
      and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
   Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
      and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
 ¹⁴ Then the Lord will be your delight.
      I will give you great honor
   and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
      I, the Lord, have spoken!”


God will give us, His children, a full life in the darkest and emptiest places. He NEVER fails us. How amazingly awesome is that??!!!??!! As God has been continually revealing Himself to me as to how He will restore me and give me life as I continue to follow Him I was brought to 1 Peter 4:12-13, 19.


"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy...Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator."

Can you put two and two together?

1. We, as Christians, are going to face fiery trials. However, it is through those trials His glory will complete shine. We will become the light in the darkest places.

2. God is going to be our strength. He will always be there and never leave us. He won't fail us.

So,  what do I take from this? I need to keep moving forward. As I face trials and difficult decisions, God will give me strength and wisdom to do the right thing. I just need to trust that He has the perfect plan because (yes for the hundredth time) HE NEVER FAILS ME. I serve the most amazing Creator. I am blessed to have   had this understanding since infancy. I love my Savior, and I know I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for the grace He has shown me and covered me with.

Check out this amazing song:

Busy, busy, busy

I've realized that I'm so GLAD God has control of my life. With working part-time at the high school, working at EMU, taking two online classes, and soon to be starting worship school, I have found that I am just slightly overwhelmed...but I LOVE being busy and always having something to do. Have I told you how much I LOVE my job?!?! Well, I guess I haven't posted since I found out I got the position, so you wouldn't know, haha. However, I'm SUPER rusty on all the special education laws, how to run an IEP/MET, etc. Soooo, I'm spending a lot of time trying to get caught up and re-educated on everything. I still have to put in three days a week at EMU, which is a bugger with working at a high school that is an hour away from campus. My two online classes are keeping me occupied in my free time. Then, I start worship school in a couple weeks, so that will be squeezing the rest of the free time I did have.


So back to why I'm sooo glad God is in control. I used to think I was ready for a relationship. Really, I thought everything was perfect timing. I would start my job, and I'd be dating that one I would plan on marrying. Everything would be a fairy tale, right? Wrong! If I threw a relationship into the mix of everything I have right now, something would definitely be suffering, and it most likely would not be the relationship. I would probably put my classes on the line, or as a friend of mine said, not do worship school. Give me another 9 months to get adjusted to my job, finish classes for this year, finish my graduate assistantship for good, and be almost done with worship school, then maybe reevaluate the whole concept of a relationship. By this time next year hopefully I'll be full time employed.; I will only have two classes left to finish my Master's, but that will be done in a year (one class per semester); and I will only have maybe a week or two left of worship school. I will be ready for a relationship. I will be at the point where I'm ready to marry someone and devote my time to that person.


It's amazing how in such a short time everything changes. As I've said before, some change is frustrating and hard to get used to, but the other types of change are AMAZING and WONDERFUL and...well you get my point. As I'm going through both types of change, I am having to give it to God. He knows me better than I could ever know myself. I mean, come on, He created me. He is all-knowing. He knew the day I came into existence, and He knows the day I will leave this world. He also knows everything that will happen in between. I'm learning to live by the phrase: "Let go, and let God." If I just give it to Him, He will carry me through it. I'm so in awe of my Savior. As I face daily struggles, and every once and a while question, "why?" I'm brought back to the idea that God IS in control, and He only wants what is best for me. There is a reason for everything, which reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3:

1 To everything there is a season,

       A time for every purpose under heaven:

       2 A time to be born,

And a time to die;

      A time to plant,

And a time to pluck what is planted;

       3 A time to kill,

And a time to heal;

      A time to break down,

And a time to build up;

       4 A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

      A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

       5 A time to cast away stones,

And a time to gather stones;

      A time to embrace,

And a time to refrain from embracing;

       6 A time to gain,

And a time to lose;

      A time to keep,

And a time to throw away;

       7 A time to tear,

And a time to sew;

      A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

       8 A time to love,

And a time to hate;

      A time of war,

And a time of peace.

 9 What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? 10 I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

 12 I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, 13 and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.

 14 I know that whatever God does,

      It shall be forever.

      Nothing can be added to it,

      And nothing taken from it.

      God does it, that men should fear before Him.

       15 That which is has already been,

      And what is to be has already been;

      And God requires an account of what is past.

I'm really honored to serve Jesus. He is my cornerstone. In Him, I have a hope and a future. In Him I live, move, and have my being. He is my everything!

All in God's timing

As I am writing this right now, I have to say I'm, once again, having to remind myself that God's timing is always perfect. Even though it may not happen when I want it to, I know I can't doubt His plan for my life. As of today, I am officially employed at a school district.. So, I will have my own group of students to work with. The job is only part time, right now, but it works perfect with the rest of my life. God is soooooo good!!! It's such a wonderful opportunity, and I can't wait to see how He'll grow me over the next year. I still have other things that are on the shelf, but I'm glad that I can say this one has become my reality. I'm just sooooo very excited!!!!

Gaining a new perspective

Gaining a new perspective means that I've learned a thing or two (or three or four..) about my life and my relationship with Jesus.

• Food is my worst and best friend all at the same time, haha...this one I had to throw in there because I'm a nervous eater...and it's SUPER annoying. So all the world (well those who live with me/spend a lot of time with me) can tell when I'm going through something that makes me nervous.
• Music somehow ALWAYS speaks to me.
• I hate when I have a break down, but at the same time, I have learned to appreciate it. It brings me back to reality. It brings me down to ground zero. It makes me realize how much I NEED my Maker. Without Him, I am NOTHING!! Literally, I am not worth anything. 
• I'm learning that the things you want the most are the things you have to fight the hardest for. If you give up, then you lose. That's exactly what the devil would like to see, defeat, but I HAVE to prove him wrong in every way, shape, and form.

So there's a little preview inside my thoughts, haha. 

My friend introduced me to this artist, Josh Garrels. His music is sooo very good. He is definitely talented. So just because, I'm posting one of them:

Putting it on the shelf and moving on

After going through a roller coaster of emotions last week, my life is finally settling back to normal...well whatever normal is. My feelings will never change, but I need to move on because otherwise it isn't healthy. So, I'm picking up where I left off; however, I WILL not act like things never happened. I'm glad it happened because it allowed me to gain a better perspective on my life and my relationship with God.

Remember when I said I received confirmation regarding the situation? Well, what happened? I heard from God, right? I KNOW I heard from God. However, I realized that I may have tried to rush things in my own time. Talking to a friend yesterday, I was reminded of Proverbs 16:9.

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."

Wow, this describes me. I realized I fantasized what my life would look like come September. However, none of it came to pass. So, now I am in the process of questioning my priorities. I have decided to take that confirmation and just put it on the shelf. Maybe it wasn't for this time; maybe it's for a year from now; or maybe I'll find out that I misinterpreted it. I don't know exactly what God's plan is for my life, but I have to trust that His plan is perfect. I'm super excited to see how He's going to work in my life. I can't wait for this next chapter!

God is funny, literally

God has a hilarious sense of humor. I don't know what God has for my future regarding a job and relationships but I'm just trusting that His perfect will will be done.  These next few days and weeks will be hard, I am clearly aware of this. However, I serve a God who is always there, Jesus who is my friend and the Holy Spirit who will comfort me. Yes, this is a short post, but I just wanted to quickly jot down how I'm doing.

Oh and then this morning the verse that pops on my phone is Psalm 15:13. This verse couldn't have had any more perfect timing.

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit."

Actually I was reading through the entire chapter, and it is very great for what I'm going through. That is, once again, another example why God is hilarious. He knows exactly what I need to hear, yet at times, I doubt Him. Even Ted Dekker's The Slumber of Christianity is perfect for what I'm facing. I LOVE how God works. His ways are mysterious, but His plan is perfect. I just have to keep reminding myself that.

Change is inevitable

I've been tear-free for over 24 hours, woot woot!! Haha...I'm extremely proud of myself, especially since I spent almost all day yesterday bawling. Long story short, the one situation I was praying about...well...it took an unexpected and drastic turn. If you didn't figure it out, it was regarding possibly pursuing a relationship with someone. I still am certain I heard God about it, but maybe it was just the wrong time. Maybe God wants me to get some priorities straight. However, at the moment, even though it was brought to a close (for now), I still have a weird feeling about it.


See, this person is going away for a very long time. I feel like I've lost a best friend. The fact that no relationship was happening was the least of my worries. I deeply care for this person because for the past year, he has been one of my closest friends. I actually didn't really see him as more until lately (although I just might have crushed on and off during the year). Anyway, I'm very concerned for him and what will be happening over the next year. He needs tons of prayer. He needs strength, peace, direction, and protection. However, I know God has a purpose. I mean look at what Jeremiah 29:11-13 has to say:


"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"

God knows ALL our plans. I know that many people use Jeremiah 29:11. However, I realized as I was studying it that the best part is the two verses that follow. God wants US to seek HIM!! Jesus desires for us to have a relationship with Him. As we seek Him, He will reveal His plans for our lives. Remember, when we seek Him our desires align with His desires.


So in the meantime, I battled a lot with myself yesterday regarding whether God really existed. Yeah, it was short lived because there is no argument, He DOES EXIST!! However, I am slightly lost as to why the two situations, a job and a relationship, haven't come to pass. I've diligently followed Him for the past 22 1/2 years of my life. I tried to follow His plan for my life. I have kept myself pure, so pure to the point of never dating anyone. I'm ready for a job, and I'm reading for a relationship that pursues marriage. I really thought I heard from Him regarding the one thing, but look where I'm at.


At the church my brother attends, he put in a prayer request for me last night (all together, "awww, such a nice brother" haha). Peggy, the pastor of the church, told him (and my mom) a list of things to tell me that she was hearing from God. One of those things was that I DO hear from God. If that wasn't a slap in the face, I don't know what is. See, backtracking a little, I bawled my eyes out until reaching Hannah's doorstep last night and then put my feelings away. I was crying over why I thought I heard God about the situation but this happens and why I don't have my own classroom. I was lost and confused, which is why I doubted God. She and I studied God's love in 1 John 4, 1 Corinthians 13, and other various places. We talked about what it means to have a relationship with God. So, during that time I realized that I'm sooo stupid to even contemplate where God is in this picture of my life. He's there, but I need to seek Him. So, I get home and my brother and mom tell me what Peggy told them she was hearing from God. It was just a great reminder that I do serve a loving God who cares for me and has a brilliant plan for my life. I just need to trust Him.


I'm not going to lie and say I'm back to normal. I'm not. I keep myself distracted as a way to not think about the person. I mean I'm constantly praying, but I just want to cry for all the emotional turmoil this person will be facing in the coming year. However, I have to remember that God is going to bring divine justice into the situation, and I trust that He has a wonderful plan for this person's life.


Well I think that's all for now. God is truly stripping me down and forcing me to seek Him with my every breath.

Being renewed

After still doing more venting, as this is a new thing for me, I woke up to this uncanny peace. I woke up stronger. I still have slight urges to cry, mostly at night, but I'm finally coming to turns that I can't find pleasure in anything by Jesus Christ.

Right now I'm reading The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker, and even though I'm only in chapter 3, I can't believe how much this relates to me. Here is a quote from the book that I really connected with:

"The truth is: This life is powerless to satisfy our dreams of great happiness and pleasure. These dreams can be satisfied only in a mind-bending reality that awaits us in the next life. As long as Christians are asleep to this reality, they will search in vain for any lasting fulfillment...The fact is, nothing in this life can satisfy unless it is fully bathed in an obsession for eternity. Nothing. Not a purpose driven life, not a grand adventure, not the love of a dashing prince or the hand of beautiful maiden...These all will fail our need for unencumbered happiness. We will always be torn and frustrated, no matter how much rejoicing we do this side of death, unless we awaken a new passion for heaven on earth" (10-12).

I'm realizing I can't keep searching for those pleasures. I need to seek after the one pleasure that satisfies my everything, and that pleasure is Jesus Christ. The pleasures on earth are mere imitations of what is to come in eternity. Although I should relish the glimpse I get of heaven, I need to keep my eyes focused on the prize, with the prize being spending eternity with my Creator, my Father. I long for the day when I can stand before His throne, worshiping His holy name.

So, right now I'm TRYING to go back to the basics of just seeking God. The reasons I say TRYING is because time and again, I know I will be thinking of the two situations I've been facing. However, as I focus more on Jesus, the situations will work out. I can't force anything to happen. All I can do is leave it in His hands and hope for the things yet to come (Romans 8:25). I'm scared to let these things go because they've become a part of me over the past few months. I AM excited to wholeheartedly pursue, once again, my relationship with Christ. I'm excited to see how He makes everything work together for my good (Romans 8:28).

"You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes."

Being tested

So, this whole process is testing me but it...to be blunt, sucks! I haven't cried so much in my life. I, honestly, don't know how much longer I can handle it. The worst part is that I HAVE to handle it because I know I heard from God. However, it's super taxing on my emotions. To hold back tears while teaching is such a challenge. Thank goodness I'm on conference right now, haha.

Last night as I was spending time with God, I was reminded of Genesis 50:20.

"But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive."

I saw this scripture as something God was reminding me that the devil is trying to do in my life. He is testing me with the very thing I was dealing with: rejection. However, the devil has NO say. I will not let any form of rejection sneak back into my mind. I am FREE by the power of Jesus. God is going to use this time of my emotional break down to help me to rise stronger than ever. I don't know how, but I know that somehow, someway He will. So, I'm just trusting Him, as hard as that is.

Jesus makes me stronger. If I didn't have Him, I know for a fact I'd want to give up and run the other way. As I prefer not to give details, it really is emotionally attacking me so much that I just want to curl up in a hole and never speak to anyone. However, I'm going to keep trucking and put that smile on my face. I'm going to fix my eyes on Jesus and declare that I will be doused in His peace.

I have to remind myself that His love NEVER, EVER fails!! Through Him, ALL things ARE possible!! I also need to remind myself that it's not about me. It's about how can I bring Him glory through it. So, I have to find that little glimpse of hope and run with it, which reminds me of Romans 8:25: "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."

I think that's all my venting for now. I'm so very thankful that I serve a God that only wants the best for me. I just have to remember that all of this has a purpose, and I just need to trust that His plan is perfect.

Teardrops

No, I'm not singing or referencing, for that fact, a Taylor Swift song. However, I thought the title was fitting for my crazy emotions that I've had over the past few days. For those who know me know that I don't cry easy. Pretty much something has to seriously bury deep or really touch my heart in order for it to cause me to cry. I feel like I've been crying quite a bit during my time with God. I literally bawled for an hour yesterday in my alone time with God. Then, I heard a song this morning while I was on my way back from the gym that caused me start crying again. So, I decided to ask God why I had such a burden.

Here's what I found out, I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for someone else. I have a such a burden for someone that I know, and I know God has given me a burden to intercede for them. The worst part is not hearing from the person for a couple days. I know that there is so much this person is battling. I have absolutely NO IDEA how they are REALLY feeling; however, it's frustrating not hearing anything. However, I continue to let them know that I am praying for them and that I'm here to listen when they're ready. I'll just wait for them until they are ready to talk. In the meantime, I will continue to intercede for them, even if this means that I experience this new thing of crying during my time with God.

I have to say I'm glad to realize that I'm not depressed; however, this burden to intercede is something that is new for me. My mom was and still is always one to get heavy burdens for people and cry and intercede. I'm used to seeing it, not experiencing it. God has definitely been challenging me to learn a new way of walking with Him.

Life isn't always easy

So time to make a confession, I've been under the bubble that I always found life to be fairly easy. God has truly blessed me into a wonderful family where I didn't struggle with anything too extravagant. However, these past few days has opened my eyes that I've been living under this bubble WAY TOO LONG. Currently, I have reached this wall with both job hunt and relationships. 


I have been crying on and off today, and this is SOOOO not like me. I'm not typically that girly girl that cries on the drop of a dime. Actually, it's rare for me to cry at sappy movies. However, I guess when it's your life, it's different. The human mind is a brilliant thing; however, sometimes I tend to find myself wondering why it is such a brilliant thing. I try my best not to get my heart and mind ahead of a situation, but I guess deep down I visualize things to happen a certain way. For example, I truly thought I would have my own classroom and be salary employed in a district by the start of the school year. Well, school officially starts Tuesday, and I'm still subbing. However, I'm super blessed to at least be a permanent sub. So, I'm thankful for a full time job. 


It really makes me question what God's plan is for my life. I had this perfect image in my mind of what my life would like by the end of September. Right now, I'm in such a slump where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I guess I'm facing a bout of slight depression.


Regarding one situation, I know I received multiple confirmations; however, it is the most complicated thing right now. I will never question God about whether I heard right because I KNOW I DID! However, it's definitely being tested, and it's testing me to my very core. I never knew these types of emotions and feelings existed in me. 


For example as for the confirmation that I keep receiving, here is a story of something that happened this past week. On Thursday night I was troubled regarding something, and that night God gave me a dream. In my dream, I was trying to figure out the chords to "Your Love Never Fails" by Jesus Culture. I was able to get the chords figured to the line "You make all things work together for my good" BUT I couldn't seem to figure out the rest. As I slowly worked away at figuring it out, I finally did. This ended my dream. As I was talking to my mom the next morning, she interpreted the dream for me. Backtracking a second, I knew that the line "You make all things work together for my good" was something that I needed to hear. However, my mom figured that the part where I was trying to figure out the chords was a replica of how I'm trying to figure out my life. As I diligently worked at figuring the chords out and finally getting it, this is an example of how I should diligently pursue those desires God has given because as I do they will finally fit into my life like puzzle pieces. However it gets better. I walk into church this morning and the song they play is "Your Love Never Fails." Immediately, I began crying. God just reminded me that I need to continue to follow those desires He has given me.


Well, I guess it's "Welcome to Adulthood"!! I really just want to excommunicate myself from the world and slip away into a deep time with God. I need answers. I want to know why I'm being challenged to my core. I know they say when something wonderful is going to happen, it's like a women giving birth. Before the wonderful miracle is birthed, she has to go through labor pains. These few things are taking a toll on me, emotionally. Jesus is the only person I can turn to right now, and you know what, that's the most wonderful thing of it all.


As I was in church this morning, the following part of Psalm 28 was said during worship. It totally spoke to my heart (&&& of course I cried):

6 Praise be to the LORD,

   for He has heard my cry for mercy.

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;

   my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him.

I feel as if my life is pre verse 6. I'm in the process of crying for mercy and God's favor to be revealed in my life. There's more, but I'm not comfortable with sharing it on the blog. All I can say is that I'm learning to intercede hard core. I've always interceded for people, but I'm taking it up a notch (well a million notches) for one particular situation. God's divine justice, mercy, and favor needs to come through in one situation (that's not mine).


Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'm just focusing on my relationship with God and praying for peace and wisdom.