On an exciting note, I've found out
that I will be spending two weeks in Africa this year doing mission work. You
have NO idea how anxious I am to get over there. It is exactly what I've been
praying for. God is opening that door for me to fulfill my desire to not only
go on a mission trip out of the country but to go to Africa, my dream country.
I know it sounds funny to call it my dream country, but my largest dream and
desire has been to do mission work in Africa. I have always felt like a part of
my heart is in Africa, and it's just waiting for me to go there.
However, it was a slightly emotional
process waiting to find out if I was going. For those of you who have read my
blog, I constantly battle with whether or not what I hear is actually God's
voice. Especially after that little "fling" thing and some other
situations, I'm always concerned if what I'm hearing is my own voice or God's
voice. It's not that I doubt God's voice, but I doubt my ability to discern.
Anyway, after I felt like God told me to apply to Zambia, I was
concerned that I wouldn't be accepted, as they only had 25 seats but 35+ people
applied. My mom made a point that if it was really meant to be I would be
accepted. Well, this past Saturday is when I received the call that I was selected
to go. Phew! What a relief to know I heard God's voice. But I hate that I doubt
that I'm hearing Him.
One of the other
things I was praying about was pursuing a teaching endorsement in autism (ASD).
I thought I heard God give the go ahead to pursue it, but after a couple weeks
of uncertainty between two programs and debating the monetary part of it, I was
concerned I didn't really hear God's voice. However, after just leaving it on
the shelf for about a week, I received a call from the head advisor at my Alma
Mater, and he spent a good chunk of time going over how the program would be
specialized for me. So, I met with him in person and put together a plan. He
presented my "special" case before the ASD advisory board, and I was
approved last week. I love these little reminders that I AM and DO hear
God's voice.
As for those
moments of being slightly emotionally taxing, I have been doing a lot of
thinking about my future. I know...BAD IDEA!! But, it's an okay thing. Honest!
A friend of mine just recently became engaged. I'm SOOOO happy that she has
found the love of her life. Although, I knew two years ago that they would end
up being together...it just took them a little while longer to figure that out.
However, I realized it made me go into this funk, but I couldn't figure out
why. Could I be jealous? No, I didn't think that was it, and after much
consideration, it DEFINITELY was not. So what was it?
I guess I realized
that I was frustrated with myself that I didn't fit the stereotypical mold of finishing
college, getting married, and raising a family. However, I've
really realized that I may never get married. And you know what? I'm perfectly
okay and content with that. I've come to accept that I am satisfied with being single the
rest of my life. The only thing I
will ever need is Jesus. He is my one true love, and no earthly love will ever
be able to compare to His. After saying all of this, I have become greatly
encouraged by Psalm 16:8: "I have set
the Lord always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be
moved." It reminds me that the Lord has the best plan for
me. No matter what I do, as long as I put Him into every decision, I will not
be moved. My relationship with Christ is the only unwavering thing I can rely
on. As Paul says in 2: Corinthians 4:18: "[We] do not look at the things which are
seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are
temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." My goal is heaven, not all the pleasures
and achievements I can receive here on earth. Although, I am not discounting
these at all because I still have earthly goals, such as buying a house,
earning my doctoral degree, etc. However, it just reminds me that whatever I
do, I do for the glory of God.
So what does this
all boil down to? I am content with where God has placed me, and I am content
with trusting Him to lay out my future. He has the best plan, and no matter how
hard I may try to make my own future, I just have to remind myself that He
created me for a specific purpose. I need to trust His purpose for my life.
