God delights in me

The whole concept that God delights in me seems so...unreal! I mean think about?!?!?! There's this guy who loves me with an everlasting love. The best part is that He wants me to love Him back. He wants me to delight in everything He has for me. Essentially, HE WANTS ME!! To be wanted is such an wonderful feeling.

As I was spending time with God, I was drawn to Psalm 1. Gosh, I haven't looked at this scripture in far too long!

 ¹ Blessed is the man
         Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
         Nor stands in the path of sinners,
         Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
 ² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
         And in His law he meditates day and night.
 ³ He shall be like a tree
         Planted by the rivers of water,
         That brings forth its fruit in its season,
         Whose leaf also shall not wither;
         And whatever he does shall prosper.
 ⁴ The ungodly are not so,
         But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
 ⁵ Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
         Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
 ⁶ For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
         But the way of the ungodly shall perish.


I want to be that person the psalmist describes. I want to delight in God and on His Word. I want to meditate on it 24/7. I want to be rooted so deep in Him that no matter what I do I WILL prosper. The best part of that is that I know I only can prosper because of Him.


As I've been interviewing for jobs and really seeking God about my future, I realize there's only one thing I need to do and that's focus my heart on Him. He will bring me through situations. He will open doors that need to be opened and shut doors that need to be shut. I want to seek after His righteousness. I want my desires to be His desires. I want the path I walk down to be the path He wanted me to pursue. I want to whole-heartedly live a life that seeks after Him and fulfills His desires.


I love how God moves in my life. I love how He fulfills my every desire, and I have to constantly remind myself that no earthly desire will ever fulfill me like the love Jesus. God is just so good! I've decided it's fitting for me to meditate on Psalm 1:3:


"He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper."

Just a bunch of craziness

I don't even know where to begin. A four day break makes me feel like a total slacker, but I promised I've been SUPER busy. Actually I can't even say much on here because I'm not open to sharing it with an online community. The thing I can say is that this weekend has been interesting. So many emotions were spinning, mainly excitement. I heard from someone I haven't heard from in a few weeks, and it was like things never changed, which is a wonderful to know. I'm also going to be attempting to do some good, old-fashioned letter writing. I haven't done that in sooooo long. I have to say it was really hard to write the first letter. What do you say to someone you wished was standing next to you, but is hundreds of miles of away? And on the other hand I can't expect anything back...which is a strange feeling. So that describes part of my weekend.

God has also been really dealing with me about a lot of things. I tend to be one that bottles things up. A better way to describe this is that I'm more likely to listen rather than talk. However, I have to veer from the "bottle things up" description because I don't suddenly explode after some time. I actually will just keep hiding it and then when it gets too overwhelming I will talk with someone. On that note, I was able to finally get two things off my chest this weekend, which feels great. It's as if a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I've also felt my relationship with God has grown closer because I'm learning to deal with things (whether positive or negative) instead of wishing I had and getting frustrated with myself.

Yesterday, I was drawn back to Psalm 27:4: "One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple." I want my relationship with God to grow at an unbelievable rate. I want His glory to shine through me. I want to see His beauty. I want to just sit at His feet and soak everything in. I want to stay close to Him. 


Of course, I HAVE to have a song that's been ministering this same message. However, I have realized that is how God works through me and many times, this is how I receive confirmation from Him. I recently purchased Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman's album. I actually bought it because I really enjoy how Matt Gilman leads worship. As I've had a chance to listen through the entire album, I have clicked, particularly over this weekend, with "Stay Close" by Cory Asbury. The chorus of the song goes as follows:


I wanna stay close to the fire in Your eyes,
To the burnings of Your heart
I don’t wanna grow cold
So come and set Your seal of love upon my heart,
Love as strong as death
Till I’m forever Yours

This whole concept of just being friends with God seems so simple, yet why do so many people abandon it? Essentially, God just wants us to be His friend. Think about this: when a new friend comes into our lives, we want to introduce them to our other friends. In turn, they become friends and that circle continues to expand. Isn't that what God expects from us? I would have to say 100% YES!

I want to stay close with God. I want to be His forever. Everything I have ever wanted I have found in Him. He is my every desire. He satisfies all my needs. He loves me, even though I have many faults. How could I not desire to seek Him, to see His face and behold His beauty?!?! The answer is that I can't!!

I'm still focusing on Psalm 27:4 right now because that seems to be where my heart is leading me. In the meantime, enjoy the song by Cory Asbury:

 

I am Yours

I connect very well with music, and I am so thankful that God uses it as a way to speak to me and confirm what He has been telling me. Lately I can't stop singing the bridge of "You Made a Way" by Matt Gilman:


I am Yours, You are mine
And we'll be together, forever.


Isn't that awesome (I'll post the song below). I have been studying 1 John 4 and Psalm 32. 1 John 4 is all about God's love for us, and how we would not know to love unless we've experienced His amazing love: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love" (1 John 4:7-8). We should never be the same after we've been exposed to the love of God. His love is life-changing. The greatest part of it all is that we can only love God "because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). His love is completely perfect and "casts out fear" (1 John 4:18).


This is such an unbelievably awesome gift that God has given us: His love for a race that has rejected Him in every way, shape, and form imaginable. I have to question myself, how likely would I be able to forgive someone who rejects me and tortures and murders my only child? The answer: probably not likely. It's one thing to reject me, but to treat my child the way Jesus was treated...come on, think about!!! Yet, this person I'm describing is us, the human race. Everyday countless people say the Lord's name in vain. Countless people denounce that God even exists. Countless people are deceived by other gods. Even as Christians, we slip and sometimes think, say, or do things we never would have thought imaginable. But God, being a merciful God, stepped down from heaven to save us. He gave us a chance to encounter His love and seek a relationship with Him. He forgave us of all our sins and all our iniquities. 


I think I'll end this post here. The next post I'll focus on how all of this relates to Psalm 32. Until then, I'm going to be meditating on the following verse:


"Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:15-16)


Also, as promised, here is the song:

Unexpected and slightly scattered

I just found out as I was preparing to write the post for today that the situation I have been seeking God about will be delayed for 3 weeks longer than what I expected, although even then it may not be addressed right away or at all, for that matter. However, once I received the news, I had emotions that I never realized existed. I definitely did not expect it. Wow, if this isn't called trusting in God, I don't know what is. I'm shocked but obviously God has a different plan for my relationship with Him. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me for the next month and a half. But, at this moment, I just want to cry, literally. I am speechless. I'm just going to give it to God, and I will definitely be using this as a learning experience. Sorry for the venting, I'm just very perplexed. So, as I TRY to go back to my original reason for posting...


Yesterday night during my time with God, I was studying Romans 8:15-18. I've recently tried to get into the habit of thanking God for His truly amazing and undying love for me. After reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I have such an utter awe for God. It's not that I didn't before, but it's just that this book brought it to the forefront of my life. How could I not love a God who loves me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me?? I shouldn't have any excuses to NOT love Him.


Anyway back to Romans 8:15-18:


"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."


This whole idea of sonship probably seems crazy to someone who doesn't believe in God. However, God has really been highlighting this through the way He's been ministering to me, with Crazy Love just being one way. This relationship God wants to have with me is unexpected. I am so unworthy; however, He still continually pursues me. How can a reject a person who continually pursues me?? Won't I break at some point from the constant love?? I would think so, and I would hope so. 


I want to be so in love with God that I would be willing to do whatever He called me to do. Suffering in this lifetime is nothing compared to the glory that I will encounter when I reach heaven. I want to continually seek after God's glory. The song that has been on my heart lately is "Shekinah Glory" by Cory Asbury. I know God ministers to me through music. This song applies perfectly to what He has been revealing to me about seeking Him and being in His presence:

We wait for You, we wait for You
We wait for You; walk in the room

Here we are, standing in Your presence
Here we are, standing in Your presence
Shekinah glory come down, Shekinah glory come down

Release the fullness of Your Spirit
Shekinah glory come, Shekinah glory come

You move and we want more, You speak and we want more
You move and we want more; we want the fullness

We want more, we want more, we want more, we want more
We want more, we want more, more of Your Spirit

I know this post seems to jump around, and that's because it does! Haha. I can't seem to focus my thoughts because I'm still wrapping my head around many things. I just want to end this by saying that I am utterly thankful to serve such an amazing God that wants to have a relationship with me! I'm going to be focusing on the following the verse:


"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.'" (Romans 8:15)


I also wanted to post the song that I was referencing above. Enjoy!

Becoming satisfied and finding purpose

I was really trying to think about what I wanted to write about today. This weekend was great. God has been showing me similar themes over and over, which I'll share one in a moment, but this morning, I realized one thing: I am completely and totally at peace and satisfied with my life at the moment. Even though there are multiple things up-in-the-air, I have such peace, and I know it's only because I'm satisfied in my relationship with Jesus. He really does fill my every desire, and I just want to continue chasing after His heart.

Sometimes God ministers to me through dreams, which can be so refreshing. I haven't had that in a while and this weekend God gave me this wonderful dream. Remember when I talked about Matt Gilman's "To Worship You, I Live"? Well, I was dreaming about leading worship, and I was using that song. However, from that song I lead right into the traditional hymn "It Is Well." When I woke up that morning, I had to see if it was actually possible to successfully flow from one song into the other. It actually does!?!?! So, it's pretty crazy that I was able to figure that out based on a dream. However, as I was playing through it, I was noticing how much the lyrics apply to my life. Here are the complete lyrics:

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.
7. God has a wonderful way of showing up in the most peculiar ways. For the past couple days, I can't stop singing "To Worship You, I Live" and "It Is Well." These two songs have given me such a peace in both my relationship with God and the situations I'm seeking God about.
8. On a related note, God drew me to Psalm 21 in my quiet time with Him last night. I was intrigued with what David had to say in verses 1-7:

 ¹ The king shall have joy in Your strength, O LORD;
         And in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
 ² You have given him his heart’s desire,
         And have not withheld the request of his lips.  Selah
³ For You meet him with the blessings of goodness;
         You set a crown of pure gold upon his head.
 ⁴ He asked life from You, and You gave it to him—
         Length of days forever and ever.
 ⁵ His glory is great in Your salvation;
         Honor and majesty You have placed upon him.
 ⁶ For You have made him most blessed forever;
         You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence.
 ⁷ For the king trusts in the LORD,
         And through the mercy of the Most High he shall not be moved. 

David is giving thanks to God and saying that because of the victory he (or the king, in this case) will continue to trust in Him. Here's how it applies to my life: I read this as more of a promise of what has yet to come. I want to be like David when I things happen. I want to always be grateful for whatever the outcome may be. I want it to pull me closer to God. I am, more specifically, drawn to how David says that God gave the king his desires and because of that the king's trust in the Lord was strengthened immensely. 

I love spending time with God. I'm excited to understand His purpose for my life as I grow closer to Him. I can't wait to see where He leads me. For now, I'm meditating on the following verse:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." (Romans 8:28-29)

To Worship You, I Live

I have two things I want to talk about in this post: (1) Matthew 12 and (2) a song that I can't stop singing. The other night as I was spending time with God, I was reading Matthew 12. God has really been drawing my attention to similar things, which is just total confirmation that I my relationship with God is being strengthened over this past week of trying to solely focus on Him.

"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:33-37)

The verses above are what God was highlighting to me during my alone time with Him. Does it sound familiar? Well, it should because I had an entire post focused on harnessing the tongue because we will be judged for what we say. I think during my time with God, He was reminding me that I need to always be in check with what "fruits" I'm producing. I've been trying to be really good at it; however, every-so-often I catch myself saying something I probably shouldn't. In regards to the situation, I've done pretty well at not bringing it up with my friends. It has come up in conversation once, but I did not start the conversation. So, I'm proud of myself for that. I do know that it will get harder as the weeks go on (since it's only been a few days), and with only God's help will I be able to appropriately avoid it. I have talked about it with my family, but I promised God that my family is the only ones that would be getting any updates of it. Anywho, getting back on track with what I was going to say, I just want my words and the fruits I produce to glorify God. I just want to make Him glad and move His heart. So, this leads into my second point that I wanted to bring up.

At the Onething conference, Matt Gilman lead worship. I never heard of him until this past weekend. The worship was totally anointed, with God's presence being so heavy. I haven't been in worship like that in a very, very long time. Worship is either hit or miss with me, and since worship is a big part of my life, I see it as being the most important way of entering people into the presence of God. People are changed through anointed worship. Matt Gilman and his worship team were phenomenal. They have such a call on their lives. Almost everyday since the conference, I have been going on IHOP's 24/7 prayer room and playing  the archived sessions with Matt Gilman because I just love his spirit. It has definitely been helping me focus on my relationship with God. 

Anyway, the past two days I can't stop singing one of the songs they played at the conference and that I've heard him play in the prayer room: "To Worship You, I Live." Here are the lyrics:

Verse:
I just want to bless your name,
I just want to make you glad.
I just want to move your heart, God.
To give you all I am.

Chorus:
By your will, for your pleasure I exist.
You are worthy Lord, you are worthy Lord.

Bridge:
To Worship You, I live. To Worship You, I live.
I live, I live to worship You.

I think I can't stop singing it because the song aligns with the cry of my heart. I want everything I do to be worship unto the Lord. I want to give Him all that I am. I want to make Him a proud Father. Children usually like to imitate their parents as they grow up. Shouldn't I want to do the same with my Heavenly Father? It seems like such a simple idea, yet it can be so hard. I just want people to see the Jesus in me. These are the little reasons that remind me why I DESIRE and NEED to have a personal relationship with my Maker. 

Current verse I'm meditating on:

"For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother." (Matthew 12:50)

Here is the song I was referencing above:

Waiting patiently

Waiting on the Lord is something that I'm learning. As I've been focusing my time and efforts on glorifying God and spending time with Him, I've found such peace and have been rejuvenated. A couple nights ago, I was reading Psalm 37. Yes, for the thousandth time, I seem to always glean from the Psalms. (However, on a side note, I was drawn to Matthew yesterday night, but that's for another post). 


Here are some highlights of the chapter:

•  ⁴ Delight yourself also in the LORD,
           And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 
   ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD,
           Trust also in Him,
           And He shall bring it to pass.

•  ⁷ Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
           Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
           Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
   ⁸ Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
           Do not fret—it only causes harm. 
   ⁹ For evildoers shall be cut off;
           But those who wait on the LORD,
           They shall inherit the earth.

•  ¹⁸ The LORD knows the days of the upright,
           And their inheritance shall be forever.
   ¹⁹ They shall not be ashamed in the evil time,
           And in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

•  ²³ The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,
           And He delights in his way.
   ²⁴ Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
           For the LORD upholds him with His hand. 

•  ²⁶ He is ever merciful, and lends;
           And his descendants are blessed. 

•  ³⁰ The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom,
           And his tongue talks of justice.
   ³¹ The law of his God is in his heart;
           None of his steps shall slide. 

•  ³⁴ Wait on the LORD,
           And keep His way,
           And He shall exalt you to inherit the land;
           When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.

•  ³⁹ But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD;
           He is their strength in the time of trouble.
   ⁴⁰ And the LORD shall help them and deliver them;
           He shall deliver them from the wicked,
           And save them,
           Because they trust in Him.

Okay, so I probably should have just copied the entire chapter, but trust me, it would have been MUCH longer. Essentially it boils down to three points: trust in the Lord, rest in the Lord, and wait on the Lord. I think God is saying to me, "HELLO!!! Don't you get what I'm telling you?!?! TRUST in Me, REST in Me, and WAIT on Me. I satisfy you; I'm the only one that fills ALL your desires. Without Me, you will perish, but with me I, you have peace and strength. I will direct your path." 

Essentially, I don't think God could be any clearer. In Him my strength is renewed. So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to trust in Him and wait on Him, but the newest thing He is revealing to me is that I need to rest in Him. By resting in Him, I'm finding out more about Him. The more I lose myself in Him, the more I find myself. He holds my identity. Although people might find this frustrating, I find it extremely comforting. Knowing that the God who created me holds my destiny and that He wants to share it with me makes me long for a relationship with Him. I want my heart to align with His.

For today, I'm going to be focusing my thoughts on the following verse:

"Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." (Psalm 37:4-5)

Finally...

I'm FINALLY posting an update about the conference this weekend. On an overall note, I was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY blessed!!  So, I figured it's probably best to break it up by the sessions, since that's obviously how I took notes.

Friday: Stuart Greeves

The message was titled "A Call to Focused Abandonment." First of all, how could you not love that title?!?! Secondly, this is everything I've been seeking. So, I was hooked from the very first words that left his mouth. I was SUPER excited to see what he had to say. The message started with Isaiah 60 and focused on the idea of being immersed in the glory of God. Greeves said that the key to transformation lies within the glory of God, and it is in the midst of crisis that the glory of God will rise.

Greeves then threw out a few other scriptures: Joel 2:11, John 14:12, and Revelation 9:21. He then moved in Isaiah 41 where he talked about how the biggest battle is the human heart. People say self-discipline and self-determination will be able to get them through the hard times; however, Greeves says these two things WILL NOT save us in this dark hour. We, as Christians, should feel differently just as Jacob did because we glorify God and experience the beautiful vibrancy of it. We, as Christians, should gives ourselves to experience the glory and beauty of God because it fulfills our every desire.

Greeves went on to talk about how the term "one thing" appears three times in the Bible:

• Psalm 27:4 - to dwell in the house of the Lord forever
• Luke 10:42 - to humbly serve Jesus (in reference to Mary washing the feet of Jesus)
• Philippians 3:13-14 - the pursuit of desire

Greeves used Philippians 3:13-14 to lead into his next topic of desire being defined, which he used Psalm 90 as his focus. Our deepest desire should be to be satisfied by God's glory and beauty. The reward of everything is being consumed with God's glory. God's coming back for a church that longs for Him. We NEED to desire God the way He desires us. The Lord enjoys us in our weaknesses because we press in to know Him; He sees the longing of our heart. (Hmmm....this reminds me of what Chan said in chapter 2 of Crazy Love). Greeves ended by saying that reaching for God is a call to action, a call to give ourselves in daily praying, fasting, regular volunteering. It positions our heart to receive MORE of God.

Saturday (afternoon session...I missed the morning because of class): Stuart Greeves and Wes Martin

Stuart Greeves began by talking about God's mercy. He focused on Isaiah 63, but similar to last night, threw out many verses that related to God's mercy: Psalm 4:1, Psalm 5:7, Psalm 6:2, Psalm 6:4, Psalm 56:1, Psalm 89:28, Psalm 90:14, and Deuteronomy 4:31.  Greeves stated there are three false assumptions that appear in the church:

• The cross appeased the wrath of God.
• God changed His attitude towards humanity after the cross.
• There is no continuity between the Old Testament and New Testament.

He then linked it to God's judgement. Greeves said it's a topic that is overlooked because the church "accepts theology that doesn't bother us in the present." How TRUE?!?!?! At this point, he referenced Ezekiel 14:22 and Isaiah 26:9. Greeves pointed out that when it comes to judgement not every natural disaster or crisis is a judgement of God. God does nothing without revealing it to His prophets. We, as the church, need not to pray for God's judgement but ask/appeal for His mercy. God uses the least severe means to reach the greatest amount of people at the deepest level of love without violating anyone's free will. Jesus isn't a humble boyfriend; HE'S THE BRIDEGROOM. HE HAS ZEAL!

Wes Martin followed up Stuart Greeves by talking about how we have to have discernment. He focused on how Jesus gives the signs of His return in Mathew 24. With this, he referenced Isaiah 40: 5, 2 Timothy 4:3, Luke 17:34, Luke 17:37, and Revelation 19. We, as the church, need to have a heart of preparation! We need to know what God has to say in order to prepare: 1 Thessalonians 4 & 5, 2 Thessalonians 1 & 2, and Revelation.

Saturday (evening session): Lou Engel

Lou Engel focused his message around Psalm 50:1-15. He focused on the heart of The Call and why it is so essential that we be ready for it on 11-11-11. Here are few points that I grabbed from his talk:

• When you pray, you go way beyond normalcy; you go way beyond your own ability.
• Without desperation, there is no prayer.
• Fasting always goes before restoration.
• Prophets are forged in the deserts of fasting, not the desserts of feasting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall, the conference was a WONDERFUL experience. I gained so much from it. It was such a great confirmation to everything I've been trying to focus on with my relationship with God. It also was a great parallel with Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It was definitely perfect timing, and I'm honored that God allowed me the opportunity to attend it. 

Where to start...

I have sooooo much that I could write about that I don't even know where to begin. Since I don't have my notes from this weekend in front of me, I'm going to once again push this off until tomorrow. So, I might as well just reflect on the other things God has been showing me. Although, it all seems to be connected....SURPRISE, isn't that how God works?!?!

As I was spending time with God yesterday, I was drawn to Psalm 27. Giving a preview, here's where parts of it connects to a post that has yet to come, which I'm uber excited to write about:

• Psalm 27:4 is the verse that the Onething conference goes by.
• Crazy Love by Francis Chan really applies what David is talking about in the chapter.
• As I continue to search God, I find this chapter to align with the cry of my heart: to seek after God.

Although the entire chapter is SUPER great, the following is what I found to be the most relevant to what I've been seeking God for:

• 4: One thing I have desired of the LORD,
           That will I seek:
           That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
           All the days of my life,
           To behold the beauty of the LORD,
           And to inquire in His temple.
• 7: Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
           Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
• 8: When You said, “Seek My face,”
           My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
• 14: Wait on the LORD;
           Be of good courage,
           And He shall strengthen your heart;
           Wait, I say, on the LORD!

I've been really seeking God about situations in my life. Sometimes I can become frustrated because I'm not always sure if God answers (or maybe He just doesn't always give me the answer I wanted). As stated earlier, sometimes I have a heard time differentiating between my inner voice and God's voice, and I can become particularly irritated by it. I'm very thankful for the Godly men and women that have been placed into my life to help me discern my voice versus God's.

However, I wonder if I need to focus on seeking God at a deeper level. Maybe he has given me an answer, but I just don't seek Him wholeheartedly to hear it (or subconsciously I'm too afraid to hear what He might have to say). I particularly love verses 8 and 14 of Psalm 27. I find it extremely rejuvenating to the point where it gives me such peace. I WANT to seek the Lord's face. I WANT to have the patience to not only wait on Him but humbly take what He has to say. This, once again, relates back to the concept of trusting God.

As I've been reflecting on this, I was drawn to the following verse that I've been meditating on all day:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverb 3:5-6)

So much harder then what I thought

I know girls have this wonderful way of planning every detail and thinking about everything way into the future, from relationships/friendships to future careers to even how a day might play out. However, the possibility of it actually happening is little to none. You probably thought the title of this post had to do with my current endeavor on building my relationship with God. It does but indirectly. Actually, spending time with God has been awesome. I've learned so much about His character. As a bonus, this past weekend was an awesome and eye-opening experience that couldn't have come at a better time.

However, what I'm talking about is the situation. I've really tried promising to God that I would give it to Him. Unfortunately, that lasted one day and my fasting lasted two days. I'm super disappointed in myself right now. I know the concept that if you fall off the horse, you need to just shake it off and get back on it. This is what I'm going to do. I guess stupid me thought that this entire thing would be easy. This has turned out to single-handedly be the hardest thing (emotionally) to do: not talk about something I'm excited yet anxious for. Girls like to talk. Shocker, right?!?!

So on top of giving God the situation and focusing on Him, I'm also going to have to give Him my mouth and tongue. Sounds a little strange, I know. Here are some points that I've been thinking about regarding the tongue.

• In Proverbs 21:23, God says, "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." 
• God also says in Matthew 12:36-37 that "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” 
• Also in Ephesians 4:29 it says that we are to "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  

When I was looking at these, I was like "Whoa!" I really need to harness my tongue and keep my mouth closed. (Note: my mom brought this to my attention. This is why I completely respect her opinion, even though I may argue with her about it) I feel as if I've been such a horrible Christian, actually how about not a Christian at all! As of this moment, I'm repenting of anything I've ever said in the past that shouldn't have been said, and I'm going to try my hardest, only with the help of God, to only say that which will edify what is being said. I realize this situation is between me and God, and from this point on, I'm going to try and keep it this way. Also, I'm going to be fasting for the next four weeks, and this time, I'm going to stick to it. I know fasting is supposed to be challenging, but I definitely caved WAY too easily. Here's to new beginnings and wonderful, character-building challenges.

On another note, I'm going to have to do two posts because I have more to say about what God has been working with me on this weekend (besides this, obviously). This is just my realization this morning, and I wanted to hurry up and get it out of my system. 

I've also decided that it probably would be a good idea to meditate on a verse that talks about the tongue, since this is my current stumbling block.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

Trusting God

This concept of trusting God seemed to have been my running theme yesterday. However, I didn't notice it until this morning as I was getting ready for work. I spent some time with God yesterday, but I didn't come across anything that really stood out. I also am still processing a lot and talking it out with friends and my mom...which did I mention, God has truly blessed me with some of the most amazing friends and mom that any person could ask for!! However, after today, I've decided to fast, pray, and just, overall, get to know God's heart.

So, I was really seeking God this morning about something to get me through the day. I kept hearing Psalm 16:1. I thought it was just me making up numbers because I was drawn to Psalm 17 yesterday. So, to me, it just sounded a bit corny that it was the chapter before. Corny might not be the right word. It's more like I was wondering if it was really God or if it was me.


I flipped to Psalm 16:1 and I was completely blown out of the water: "Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust." Was that what I needed to hear today...well and everyday of course!! I've been really encountering this idea of trusting God, and I even got a text from a friend yesterday reminding me that patience and trusting God are two things we should continually seek after. I completely agree, but the whole concept of trust is something that I guess I'm really needing to hear right now. 


As I was pulling up Psalm 16:1 to copy in for this post, I realized that maybe I should read the entire Psalm. On a side note, Psalms is one of my favorite books of the Bible. I can almost always find God pulling me to the verses in this book because it so perfectly aligns with what I'm facing. Anyway, I realized that even though I may be meditating on Psalm 16:1 today, I found the entire chapter to be such an awesome way of starting my morning off right:

  ¹ Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.
  ² O my soul, you have said to the LORD,
         “You are my Lord,
         My goodness is nothing apart from You.”
 ³ As for the saints who are on the earth,
         “They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.” 
 ⁴ Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god;
         Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer,
         Nor take up their names on my lips.      
 ⁵ O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
         You maintain my lot.
 ⁶ The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
         Yes, I have a good inheritance.  
 ⁷ I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel;
         My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
 ⁸ I have set the LORD always before me;
         Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.    
 ⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
         My flesh also will rest in hope.
 ¹⁰ For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
         Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
 ¹¹ You will show me the path of life;
         In Your presence is fullness of joy;
         At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Okay, so I'm going to break it down as to how I am processing this wonderful passage. In verse 2, the psalmist immediately brings up the idea that without God, nothing makes sense. Wow, if that isn't sobering, I don't know what is!! Then he proceeds to say that by setting the Lord as my first priority, my right hand man, I will be glad and my flesh will "rest in hope." WHONK!! I feel as if God literally hit me on top of the head with a hammer. It's like He's saying "HELLOOOOOO!!! If you trust in Me, you'll have peace and hope."

The psalmist goes on to say that God saved me from going to hell and that He will protect me from harm. It gets even better after that. Not only if I trust in God will He give me peace and save me from death, but He will show me the path of life. He is the only one that I can actually find fullness of joy. He is the only one that can satisfy all my desires.

This seems like such a crazy thought!!! I always knew it, but applying it to my life is totally different. I've realized over the past two days how much I LOVE talking about God and His amazing love for us. I'm completely honored and amazed to be able to worship a God who has this unbelievable, unfathomable, indescribable love for me--a person who is completely unworthy and once a sinner but lives in Him only because He sent His Son, thousands of years ago, to shed His blood as an atonement for what I would yet do. It's unimaginable, yet this is my story. There is no love that exists like the love that God has for me, and my heart's deepest desire is to seek after Him more than ever before.

Once again, I'm meditating on the following passage:
"Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust." (Psalm 16:1)

Getting over myself

It's amazing how one day of solely trying to focus on my relationship with Jesus how much He speaks to me through His Word and through other things. In the past I have always experienced His way of speaking to me through the scriptures, but I haven't spent that much time focusing on what He really wants to say to me. I would just read a little and then go to bed. I happened to forget the part that God ACTUALLY wants to talk with me. How unbelievably awesome is that?!?! To have a relationship with my Creator seems so unfathomable. Why would He want to do that with someone like me? It's because He made me in His image and I am His child. What loving parent doesn't want to know their child? Better yet, what child doesn't want to know their parent? So, between yesterday and early this morning, God has downloaded so much into my life already.

Last night, as I was spending time with God, I heard Him tell me to look at Psalm 139. Wow, was it what I needed to hear at the moment!


 ¹ O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
 ² You know my sitting down and my rising up;
         You understand my thought afar off.
 ³ You comprehend my path and my lying down,
         And are acquainted with all my ways.
 ⁴ For there is not a word on my tongue,
         But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
 ⁵ You have hedged me behind and before,
         And laid Your hand upon me.
 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
         It is high, I cannot attain it. 

He knows me inside and out. He knows all my desires. He knows what I'm going to do before I do that. He knows everything about me. Just as David says, it is "too wonderful for me." It's called learning to trust in Jesus. If He knows what's going to happen with my life, why not have a relationship with Him to help guide me through it? Seriously, who wouldn't want a God like my God?

On another note, I started reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan yesterday. Oh my goodness!!! This book is so PERFECT for my life right now. It is just a confirmation to the fact that how could I not want a relationship with the person who created me, how could I put other things before Him. I'm only into chapter two, but I have seriously gained so much. Chan is super forward, and I love it!

"Frankly, you need to get over yourself. It might sound harsh but that's seriously what it means. Maybe life's pretty good for you right now. God has given you this good stuff so that you can show the world a person who enjoys blessings, but who is still totally obsessed with God...To be brutally honest, it doesn't really matter what place you find yourself in right now. Your part is to bring Him glory...The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His." (Crazy Love 44-45)

The fact that he just states YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELF is purely awesome. I mean, how true is that?!?! My life isn't about me. It's about how much glory can I give to God, the Maker of the universe. It's about displaying myself as someone who IS totally obsessed with God. Later in that same chapter, Chan goes on to say: "I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run to God" (Crazy Love, 45). I'm obviously at a couple points in my life of encountering unknowns. But you know what, Chan's right! These times are making me draw closer to Him. It's making me want to focus on getting to know Him and seeing my plan revealed through my relationship with Him.

However, as I was getting ready this morning, I heard God whisper to look at Psalm 17. So I did, and I found that it was just another confirmation as to my focus on my relationship with Him. This is the current verse I am meditating on today:

 "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness." (Psalm 17:15)

I want to strive after not being satisfied until I wake up in His likeness. I want David's cry to be my same cry. Lord, I want more of You and less of me. Mold me and shape me to be like You.

Just because this video is amazing, I thought you'd want to check it out. It goes with Chan's Crazy Love. Enjoy!

It's been some time...

Obviously I haven't posted in a long time...going on almost two months. Life has forced its way in between. However, this is definitely not a positive thing. I've realized in some ways I've grown, but in many ways, I am definitely lacking. Ultimately, I'm really needing to focus on my personal relationship with God.

Over the past two months, quite a bit has happened. I've gained some amazing new friends, who strive after God. They've pushed me to understand God at a new level. I've also discovered the amazing book Forgotten God by Francis Chan, reread Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, finished Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, and am currently delving into Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Although, I've come to the realization that just because I talk about Him and read about Him doesn't mean I'm developing a personal relationship with Him.

I've been stuck on this idea of being in a relationship and marriage that I've forgotten to put God at the center of it. I know He's my first love, but I forget that when I focus on Him all things will just fall into place. Essentially, I just need to trust Him.

I'm going through a time right now that I'm going to be wholeheartedly seeking Him; something I've never really focused on. Over the past couple days, my life (specifically my "love" life) became a drastic whirlwind, and I am taking the next 5 or so weeks to just focus on Him. I really feel as if I know and have known my answer regarding this relationship situation, as I've received some confirmation over the past couple weeks. However, I realize there's this thing that sometimes I get caught into following my head and not following God's plan. God says in Song of Solomon 2:7: "Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, by the gazelles and the wild does of the field: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time." So, separation from the situation is the first step and seeking God is the second step. I need to completely clear my thoughts and focus on God's ways for my life. I also need to pray that the person receives the same revelation I do from God and that our motives are absolutely pure.

I also am completely and totally blessed with some of the most amazing girls. I have a large circle praying, interceding, and helping to discern with me. They are my closest confidants, and I am so glad they are helping to give me direction and pushing me to focus on God.

I will eventually do a follow-up post to the last one on love, but mainly I'm going to be using this as a way to express my thoughts and show how God has been dealing with me. I also want it to show the growth in my relationship with God and to use it to continue to propel that relationship forward.

Current verse I'm meditating on:
"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." (Habakkuk 2:3)