Life isn't always easy

So time to make a confession, I've been under the bubble that I always found life to be fairly easy. God has truly blessed me into a wonderful family where I didn't struggle with anything too extravagant. However, these past few days has opened my eyes that I've been living under this bubble WAY TOO LONG. Currently, I have reached this wall with both job hunt and relationships. 


I have been crying on and off today, and this is SOOOO not like me. I'm not typically that girly girl that cries on the drop of a dime. Actually, it's rare for me to cry at sappy movies. However, I guess when it's your life, it's different. The human mind is a brilliant thing; however, sometimes I tend to find myself wondering why it is such a brilliant thing. I try my best not to get my heart and mind ahead of a situation, but I guess deep down I visualize things to happen a certain way. For example, I truly thought I would have my own classroom and be salary employed in a district by the start of the school year. Well, school officially starts Tuesday, and I'm still subbing. However, I'm super blessed to at least be a permanent sub. So, I'm thankful for a full time job. 


It really makes me question what God's plan is for my life. I had this perfect image in my mind of what my life would like by the end of September. Right now, I'm in such a slump where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I guess I'm facing a bout of slight depression.


Regarding one situation, I know I received multiple confirmations; however, it is the most complicated thing right now. I will never question God about whether I heard right because I KNOW I DID! However, it's definitely being tested, and it's testing me to my very core. I never knew these types of emotions and feelings existed in me. 


For example as for the confirmation that I keep receiving, here is a story of something that happened this past week. On Thursday night I was troubled regarding something, and that night God gave me a dream. In my dream, I was trying to figure out the chords to "Your Love Never Fails" by Jesus Culture. I was able to get the chords figured to the line "You make all things work together for my good" BUT I couldn't seem to figure out the rest. As I slowly worked away at figuring it out, I finally did. This ended my dream. As I was talking to my mom the next morning, she interpreted the dream for me. Backtracking a second, I knew that the line "You make all things work together for my good" was something that I needed to hear. However, my mom figured that the part where I was trying to figure out the chords was a replica of how I'm trying to figure out my life. As I diligently worked at figuring the chords out and finally getting it, this is an example of how I should diligently pursue those desires God has given because as I do they will finally fit into my life like puzzle pieces. However it gets better. I walk into church this morning and the song they play is "Your Love Never Fails." Immediately, I began crying. God just reminded me that I need to continue to follow those desires He has given me.


Well, I guess it's "Welcome to Adulthood"!! I really just want to excommunicate myself from the world and slip away into a deep time with God. I need answers. I want to know why I'm being challenged to my core. I know they say when something wonderful is going to happen, it's like a women giving birth. Before the wonderful miracle is birthed, she has to go through labor pains. These few things are taking a toll on me, emotionally. Jesus is the only person I can turn to right now, and you know what, that's the most wonderful thing of it all.


As I was in church this morning, the following part of Psalm 28 was said during worship. It totally spoke to my heart (&&& of course I cried):

6 Praise be to the LORD,

   for He has heard my cry for mercy.

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;

   my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.

My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him.

I feel as if my life is pre verse 6. I'm in the process of crying for mercy and God's favor to be revealed in my life. There's more, but I'm not comfortable with sharing it on the blog. All I can say is that I'm learning to intercede hard core. I've always interceded for people, but I'm taking it up a notch (well a million notches) for one particular situation. God's divine justice, mercy, and favor needs to come through in one situation (that's not mine).


Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'm just focusing on my relationship with God and praying for peace and wisdom.