Being renewed

After still doing more venting, as this is a new thing for me, I woke up to this uncanny peace. I woke up stronger. I still have slight urges to cry, mostly at night, but I'm finally coming to turns that I can't find pleasure in anything by Jesus Christ.

Right now I'm reading The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker, and even though I'm only in chapter 3, I can't believe how much this relates to me. Here is a quote from the book that I really connected with:

"The truth is: This life is powerless to satisfy our dreams of great happiness and pleasure. These dreams can be satisfied only in a mind-bending reality that awaits us in the next life. As long as Christians are asleep to this reality, they will search in vain for any lasting fulfillment...The fact is, nothing in this life can satisfy unless it is fully bathed in an obsession for eternity. Nothing. Not a purpose driven life, not a grand adventure, not the love of a dashing prince or the hand of beautiful maiden...These all will fail our need for unencumbered happiness. We will always be torn and frustrated, no matter how much rejoicing we do this side of death, unless we awaken a new passion for heaven on earth" (10-12).

I'm realizing I can't keep searching for those pleasures. I need to seek after the one pleasure that satisfies my everything, and that pleasure is Jesus Christ. The pleasures on earth are mere imitations of what is to come in eternity. Although I should relish the glimpse I get of heaven, I need to keep my eyes focused on the prize, with the prize being spending eternity with my Creator, my Father. I long for the day when I can stand before His throne, worshiping His holy name.

So, right now I'm TRYING to go back to the basics of just seeking God. The reasons I say TRYING is because time and again, I know I will be thinking of the two situations I've been facing. However, as I focus more on Jesus, the situations will work out. I can't force anything to happen. All I can do is leave it in His hands and hope for the things yet to come (Romans 8:25). I'm scared to let these things go because they've become a part of me over the past few months. I AM excited to wholeheartedly pursue, once again, my relationship with Christ. I'm excited to see how He makes everything work together for my good (Romans 8:28).

"You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes."