Change is inevitable

I've been tear-free for over 24 hours, woot woot!! Haha...I'm extremely proud of myself, especially since I spent almost all day yesterday bawling. Long story short, the one situation I was praying about...well...it took an unexpected and drastic turn. If you didn't figure it out, it was regarding possibly pursuing a relationship with someone. I still am certain I heard God about it, but maybe it was just the wrong time. Maybe God wants me to get some priorities straight. However, at the moment, even though it was brought to a close (for now), I still have a weird feeling about it.


See, this person is going away for a very long time. I feel like I've lost a best friend. The fact that no relationship was happening was the least of my worries. I deeply care for this person because for the past year, he has been one of my closest friends. I actually didn't really see him as more until lately (although I just might have crushed on and off during the year). Anyway, I'm very concerned for him and what will be happening over the next year. He needs tons of prayer. He needs strength, peace, direction, and protection. However, I know God has a purpose. I mean look at what Jeremiah 29:11-13 has to say:


"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"

God knows ALL our plans. I know that many people use Jeremiah 29:11. However, I realized as I was studying it that the best part is the two verses that follow. God wants US to seek HIM!! Jesus desires for us to have a relationship with Him. As we seek Him, He will reveal His plans for our lives. Remember, when we seek Him our desires align with His desires.


So in the meantime, I battled a lot with myself yesterday regarding whether God really existed. Yeah, it was short lived because there is no argument, He DOES EXIST!! However, I am slightly lost as to why the two situations, a job and a relationship, haven't come to pass. I've diligently followed Him for the past 22 1/2 years of my life. I tried to follow His plan for my life. I have kept myself pure, so pure to the point of never dating anyone. I'm ready for a job, and I'm reading for a relationship that pursues marriage. I really thought I heard from Him regarding the one thing, but look where I'm at.


At the church my brother attends, he put in a prayer request for me last night (all together, "awww, such a nice brother" haha). Peggy, the pastor of the church, told him (and my mom) a list of things to tell me that she was hearing from God. One of those things was that I DO hear from God. If that wasn't a slap in the face, I don't know what is. See, backtracking a little, I bawled my eyes out until reaching Hannah's doorstep last night and then put my feelings away. I was crying over why I thought I heard God about the situation but this happens and why I don't have my own classroom. I was lost and confused, which is why I doubted God. She and I studied God's love in 1 John 4, 1 Corinthians 13, and other various places. We talked about what it means to have a relationship with God. So, during that time I realized that I'm sooo stupid to even contemplate where God is in this picture of my life. He's there, but I need to seek Him. So, I get home and my brother and mom tell me what Peggy told them she was hearing from God. It was just a great reminder that I do serve a loving God who cares for me and has a brilliant plan for my life. I just need to trust Him.


I'm not going to lie and say I'm back to normal. I'm not. I keep myself distracted as a way to not think about the person. I mean I'm constantly praying, but I just want to cry for all the emotional turmoil this person will be facing in the coming year. However, I have to remember that God is going to bring divine justice into the situation, and I trust that He has a wonderful plan for this person's life.


Well I think that's all for now. God is truly stripping me down and forcing me to seek Him with my every breath.