Being tested

So, this whole process is testing me but it...to be blunt, sucks! I haven't cried so much in my life. I, honestly, don't know how much longer I can handle it. The worst part is that I HAVE to handle it because I know I heard from God. However, it's super taxing on my emotions. To hold back tears while teaching is such a challenge. Thank goodness I'm on conference right now, haha.

Last night as I was spending time with God, I was reminded of Genesis 50:20.

"But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive."

I saw this scripture as something God was reminding me that the devil is trying to do in my life. He is testing me with the very thing I was dealing with: rejection. However, the devil has NO say. I will not let any form of rejection sneak back into my mind. I am FREE by the power of Jesus. God is going to use this time of my emotional break down to help me to rise stronger than ever. I don't know how, but I know that somehow, someway He will. So, I'm just trusting Him, as hard as that is.

Jesus makes me stronger. If I didn't have Him, I know for a fact I'd want to give up and run the other way. As I prefer not to give details, it really is emotionally attacking me so much that I just want to curl up in a hole and never speak to anyone. However, I'm going to keep trucking and put that smile on my face. I'm going to fix my eyes on Jesus and declare that I will be doused in His peace.

I have to remind myself that His love NEVER, EVER fails!! Through Him, ALL things ARE possible!! I also need to remind myself that it's not about me. It's about how can I bring Him glory through it. So, I have to find that little glimpse of hope and run with it, which reminds me of Romans 8:25: "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."

I think that's all my venting for now. I'm so very thankful that I serve a God that only wants the best for me. I just have to remember that all of this has a purpose, and I just need to trust that His plan is perfect.