So much harder then what I thought

I know girls have this wonderful way of planning every detail and thinking about everything way into the future, from relationships/friendships to future careers to even how a day might play out. However, the possibility of it actually happening is little to none. You probably thought the title of this post had to do with my current endeavor on building my relationship with God. It does but indirectly. Actually, spending time with God has been awesome. I've learned so much about His character. As a bonus, this past weekend was an awesome and eye-opening experience that couldn't have come at a better time.

However, what I'm talking about is the situation. I've really tried promising to God that I would give it to Him. Unfortunately, that lasted one day and my fasting lasted two days. I'm super disappointed in myself right now. I know the concept that if you fall off the horse, you need to just shake it off and get back on it. This is what I'm going to do. I guess stupid me thought that this entire thing would be easy. This has turned out to single-handedly be the hardest thing (emotionally) to do: not talk about something I'm excited yet anxious for. Girls like to talk. Shocker, right?!?!

So on top of giving God the situation and focusing on Him, I'm also going to have to give Him my mouth and tongue. Sounds a little strange, I know. Here are some points that I've been thinking about regarding the tongue.

• In Proverbs 21:23, God says, "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." 
• God also says in Matthew 12:36-37 that "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” 
• Also in Ephesians 4:29 it says that we are to "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  

When I was looking at these, I was like "Whoa!" I really need to harness my tongue and keep my mouth closed. (Note: my mom brought this to my attention. This is why I completely respect her opinion, even though I may argue with her about it) I feel as if I've been such a horrible Christian, actually how about not a Christian at all! As of this moment, I'm repenting of anything I've ever said in the past that shouldn't have been said, and I'm going to try my hardest, only with the help of God, to only say that which will edify what is being said. I realize this situation is between me and God, and from this point on, I'm going to try and keep it this way. Also, I'm going to be fasting for the next four weeks, and this time, I'm going to stick to it. I know fasting is supposed to be challenging, but I definitely caved WAY too easily. Here's to new beginnings and wonderful, character-building challenges.

On another note, I'm going to have to do two posts because I have more to say about what God has been working with me on this weekend (besides this, obviously). This is just my realization this morning, and I wanted to hurry up and get it out of my system. 

I've also decided that it probably would be a good idea to meditate on a verse that talks about the tongue, since this is my current stumbling block.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)