Being stretched

I'm half way through the fall semester of  grad classes and already half way through first semester of teaching at the high school. Where has the year gone?!?! I can't believe I'm less than 3 short weeks away from Thanksgiving and less than 7 weeks from Christmas. It is unreal that 2012 is almost over. In a way, I'm relieved that it is and can't wait to see what 2013 will hold. I love the idea of new beginnings. It reminds me what Isaiah 43:18-19 has to say: "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Speaking of new beginnings, my cousin had baby #2, a little girl. Her name is Kelsie, and she is absolutely precious! I was able to hold her at not quite two weeks old. I completely fell in love. I left my cousin's house with the excitement that I cannot WAIT until the day I am a mother. I know I've always gone back and forth about the whole topic of marriage and kids (reason to be mentioned later), but after the other night, it became super clear that I do want to get married and I do want to have kids.

Anyway, these past few weeks have been overwhelming and extremely hectic. I've realized two grad classes, beginning the process for my Master's project, working full time, and having multiple commitments at church has been quite the daunting task. I love challenges, but sometimes it can be annoying how much work I always have to do. I have come to the conclusion that for the next 6 months there will not be day that goes by that I won't have some type of work to do. You know what? That's okay. When the next six months are over, I will be able to reflect on how many hoops I have had to jump through and how much effort I have had to put in to get the MA degree and that much closer to nearing the completion of my ASD endorsement.

Lately, God has been stretching me and making things clearer than ever before. For the longest time, I just wouldn't accept it. What am I talking about??? Well, marriage, silly! Anyway, I will finish off the "reasoned to be mentioned later" part now. I've realized that my heart is sold out on one thing...and has been for quite some time now. However, I just wasn't willing to admit it. Until talking with a friend recently, I realized that I can't move forward until this feeling goes or... [insert something else here]

Anyway, at first I was extremely frustrated and pleaded with God to just let me move forward and really be open to that deep desire of marriage. Then I realized that I just have to allow God work in me according to His time, not mine. Yes, there are those frustrating moments but I know that whatever comes from all this will end with the most joyous celebration. I am constantly reminded of the following verse from Isaiah 26:3: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." This verse makes me then reflect on scripture written in Jeremiah: "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spread out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7-8).

Through all of the various battles in my mind, God is really highlighting and reminding me that I was made to worship Him and do the work that He has called me to do. Re-reading The Slumber of Christianity by Ted Dekker for my Lifegroup has been a great way to, once again, open my eyes to realize that I was not made for life on earth. I was made to love God, love people, and live out the Great Commission.

"I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart" (Psalm 40:8).