I need you and I want you

These two simple phrases have left my mouth over the past few months. It took me a long time to recognize that, as much as I love being totally independent, I appreciate that fact that I have a man by my side who wants me to need him and want him. I have learned that I do, in fact, want him and need him. 

However, the one thing I have always struggled with is giving every second of every day over to Jesus. Yes, I have a relationship with Him, but I don't always cherish that relationship and give it the time it really needs. I hate that I can so easily push it aside, when I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Him. 

Today, during lunch, I was spending some time listening to the heart of God. I heard Him question me: "How much do you want Me? How much do you need Me?" I realized at that moment that I only outwardly express those desires during desperate times of need...which currently happens to be where I'm at in life. But, reality is that I shouldn't require "wake-up calls" to force me to fall on my knees and need Him. I should need Him and want Him every second of every day. 

I am not perfect. I do not think I'm perfect. I know I never will be perfect here on this earth. However, I need to strive after living my life as an image of God. I know I sin and make mistakes, but the repentance that God offers is such a beautiful thing. Sadly, I take it all for granted. 

I am very thankful for these realizations. I'm thankful I serve such a faithful and gracious God, who allows me to work through my mistakes. I am thankful for the blood of Jesus that makes all things like new. I'm thankful for the ability commune with Holy Spirit. Overall, this hard realization of the box I put God in has made me grateful that He continually draws me to Him and is always standing there, even after the countless times I ignore Him.