So when I started this journey a few days ago, I went into it with much hurt and some hate towards myself. Today, I faced a new set of challenges. One: for one reason or another, I began to regret certain situations, situations that I could hate myself for, situations that I'll never be able to go back and change. I know I have to learn to just live with them and give them to God. However, I REALLY hate the moments when those regrets creep up on me and cause more pain than what already exists. Secondly: I'm ready to give up. I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to quit already. I'm having a hard time seeing why I need to keep fighting for this. As much as I want this to be reality, I think I want it even more to not exist.
Currently, I'm realizing that it needs to be all or nothing. I can't do partial; it's actually causing pain. I don't really have much else to say. It's just been a very hard past couple days - emotionally.
"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts
for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and
weary land where there is no water." (Psalm 63:1)
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