I actually have known for a while what I've wanted to write, but not having a title or knowing how to approach it deterred me from doing it. Finally, as I sat thinking, I realized that my life has had a running theme the last few months. When I look back two months ago, six months, a year ago, or even a year and a half ago, my life looked completely different. Actually, it's safe to say that I'm not even the same person. Sometimes, as a reflect, it feels that my life in those times frames was like another reality or was like just a dream. Let me walk through how I came to this conclusion.
2 months ago:
In January of 2014, specifically January 18, 2014, I was still technically employed at a different grade level, a different school, and a completely different district. I had known since November of 2013 that I was going to be laid off due to a budget crisis and being low on the seniority list. My last day, according to the books was January 21, 2014...although my last day with the kids was January 17, 2014. I thought my life had ended...well it felt that way. Obviously, God had better plans. As I sit here today, working as a middle school special education teacher in a district that is next door to where I live (10 minute commute to work...booyah!), I couldn't be more thankful. However, the weird part of it all is that it feels like I've always been here. It's like my prior experience never existed...in a way. I mean I still connect with my old coworkers and hear from some of my prior students, but I am seriously in love with my job. I am beyond blessed!
6 months ago:
In September of 2013, my house was about to go through total reconstruction. We decided to redo all of the house, top to bottom, with new paint and new flooring. We also decided to remodel the kitchen. Beginning in late September, my house became nothing of what I once knew. The kitchen was demolished. Walls were busted down. Appliances were rearranged. Everything changed. It was an extremely awesome transformation. However, it was an emotionally draining transformation. Being without a kitchen for over 8 weeks was exhausting. Do you know how hard it is to find things to eat without a stove, oven, or microwave? I mean you learn to be creative, but man, was it an experience! So it is now March 2014, and my house is a completely different house. It has been cool to watch the transformation. When I look back to six months ago, that house I once knew is just a memory. Actually, sometimes it feels like my house has always been the way it currently is displayed. It's almost as if the old house was just a dream.
1 year ago:
It's now March of 2013. Boy, my life does not look like that now. The last thing on my mind was a relationship or marriage...let alone with the person I am with. Actually, I wasn't really even talking to him because of personal reasons. As of today, I've already been dating him for almost 7 months (7 months tomorrow...woohoo!). It's weird to think of my life without him. It's like he's always been there. Of course he's been my friend for the past 4 years BUT just a friend. I feel like he's always been there in terms of the intimate friendship we share. The best part is that it's been an exciting 7 months with him, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Also, I was still going to school and taking classes. To date, I not only have my Master's degree, but I also finished off adding my autism endorsement to my teacher certification. It's kind of weird to think my life used to be all about graduate classes. It is so great to be able to come home and not rush to campus to sit in class. It's wonderful to be able to spend my free time reading and doing other relaxing activities, instead of worrying about completing some type of assignment or project. That is one chapter of my life I was glad to see come to an end. Although I bet that in the next year, you'll probably be seeing me apply to a doctoral program or something. ;-)
1 year and 6 months ago:
This now places me at September of 2012. What else to say other than, my grandmother was still alive. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I truly wished that she was here to share in all my accomplishments and to see what I've grown to become in just that short time. I miss talking to her about dancing and music. I miss gleaning from her years of knowledge and experience. I wished I had just a few more hours to hear her voice and soak up everything I could from her. In a way, sometimes it's hard to remember what it was like with her around. I miss her so much. I realize I miss her more and more because she can't share in these new memories. She wasn't able to see my graduate with my Master's degree. She wasn't able to see what our house looks like now. She wasn't able to watch me transition from my old job to my new job. She wasn't able to meet my boyfriend. She won't be able to see me get married. She won't be able to meet my children. I just have to remind myself that she is in a better place, and I was blessed to spend almost 24 years of my life developing a close relationship with her.
As I look back, I am just blessed to serve this awesome God. Life hasn't been a cake walk. Actually, it's been a real struggle, especially these last few months. It has really tested my relationship and trust in God. However, I am continually reminded that God has a greater plan and that I need to serve Him with my entire being.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6
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