My refuge and strong tower

Many people do not understand the true reason why I decided to stopped seeing that person so quickly. However, I am not at liberty to say because it really is just between me and God. Even though I'm getting crap for being such a jerk, I've realized that I have to remember that my relationship with God is the only thing that matters. My closest friends and immediate family understand, and that's what's important.

From the world's perspective, I am a heartless jerk. From my perspective, I obeyed the word God gave me. I had no choice because I will not hinder my relationship with God. He created me. He healed me. He sustains me. He is the only person that will always be there for me.

Last night as I was spending time with God, I was drawn to Psalm 61:

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
         Attend to my prayer.² From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
         When my heart is overwhelmed;
         Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. ³ For You have been a shelter for me,
         A strong tower from the enemy.⁴ I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
         I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  Selah  ⁵ For You, O God, have heard my vows;
         You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.⁶ You will prolong the king’s life,
         His years as many generations.
⁷ He shall abide before God forever.
         Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him! 
⁸ So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
         That I may daily perform my vows.

I love how God brings me to the right passage for the current state I am in. Even though I say I don't care what people think of me, I actually do. I hate looking like I'm a player. When we started seeing each other, I really thought there was potential for it to be more than just friends. I didn't use it for self-satisfaction or the desire for a boyfriend, and I CERTAINLY did not use him. I mean, come on, the guy still had yet to take me on an official date after over 3 weeks of supposedly dating. So, we weren't "in a relationship" and we never dated. I guess we were just friends...nothing more. The whole thing on him saying he was seeing me but never making an effort, well, that's pretty pathetic...I mean just saying, from a girl's perspective. Isn't the point to "woo" her and never stop "wooing" her? Anyway, that's a topic for another time.

I just realized that there were too many differences I couldn't handle, and it was those differences that opened my eyes to see that he was nothing more than a friend. Therefore, I shouldn't continue dancing around any idea of him being more than a friend. If I continued seeing him, the relationship would have been built on lies because I truly didn't like him as more than a friend since God had taken away those feelings. A relationship built on lies isn't a relationship at all. Also, that would only be leading him on, and it would be hindering my relationship with him, my family, my friends, and God. Once again, this all ties back to the importance of my relationship with Christ. That's also the point of being a mature person and being honest.

I am sorry if I did break his heart, but time will heal those wounds. Also, hopefully he relies on God because God is the ultimate healer. The positive side is that we were only seeing each other for a little over 3 weeks. So, if he got that emotionally attached in that short of time then it is not my problem. He needs to learn, as do all people including myself,  that even when seeing a person, your heart needs to be guarded. A person's heart should truly not be opened all the way until marriage, or at least if you know for sure from God that you are marrying the person. I person is foolish if they do it before, let alone not even a month into a relationship.

I love how God uses all situations to remind me of how great He really is. I honestly cannot fathom His greatness because words cannot even begin to describe it. I am so blessed to serve such a magnificent Savior. He is my refuge and strong tower!