Lights up my life

So, it's been a while...a long while. This tends to be how I start my blog posts nowadays. Life is crazy, not that that's new news. Many times I sit down thinking I will write something, but I just end up staring at a blank page. I mean I always have something to say; however, I just don't always know what exactly to say or how I should say something.

As I reflect on my life, I am so blessed by the path God has taken me through. At times, it has been frustrating and saddening. Other times, it has been exhilarating and exciting. Through each situation, it is only because of my relationship with God that I am still standing strong. As of the last month and a half, God has brought a person into my life to stand by me in all these moments. I am beyond blessed by my family, as they have always been there and will always be there. However, I am not referring to them. God has been so gracious in letting my desire for a relationship that pursues the idea of marriage to mature and has recently gifted me with the most amazing person in my life, my best friend of almost three years, Gabe. He is the only man I could imagine standing by me through all my trials and triumphs.

Our story is unique, special, and complicated. But, it's OUR story, and it doesn't compare to any Hollywood movie ever scripted. Here's the short end of the story:

• Boy meets girl when Superbowl party hopping with friends on February 7, 2010. 
• Boy and girl become friends over the course of that next year.
• Girl falls for boy at the end of 2010.
• Boy (not really knowing her true feelings) goes away to training and then war.
• Girl is heartbroken.
• Girl and boy stay in touch through letters.
• Girls discovers she will never be able to get over her feelings for the amazing boy.
• Girl begins the avoidance tactic to protect her heart.
• Boy and girl go on a missions trip to Africa.
• Girl is still avoiding but boy begins pursuing.
• Upon coming back, girl lets down a wall and allows boy to enter.
• Boy states his true feelings.
• Girl is left speechless and FINALLY confesses her feelings.
• Boy and girl officially begin courting as of August 19, 2013.

So obviously there is much more to this magnificent story. However, the most important part is that there is this truly amazing guy who wants to get to know me and wants to really pursue me and this idea of marriage.

This man, who has stolen my heart, lights up my life. The most wonderful part of it all is how much he loves Jesus and has a passionate relationship with Him. Gabe shares my dreams for adventure and supports my desires for the future. I am completely smitten by him and can't wait to see how OUR life will unfold together. God has a wonderful plan for my life and I'm so glad He has my best interests in mind. Looking at my life, I'm continually reminded of my life verse, Habakkuk 2:3: "For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

I can never doubt for even a second that God's timing isn't perfect!

Looking back and looking forward

So it's summer for me, which means that I don't have work for another 4 or so weeks. I took a graduate class for my autism teaching endorsement, which was in the evenings for one week, and I tutor a few kids on the side. I have also been given the opportunity to do more with worship music at the church. I am so blessed how God opens doors to allow me to work in my areas of passion: teaching and music.

Well, it's been almost four weeks since I've been home from Africa. It's given me more time to think over everything I took in over those 16 days. What I've realized most is that I am so fortunate to be where I'm at not just monetary wise but in literally every area of my life. This has also been highlighted to me through the Follow Me study I am doing by David Platt. It is so encouraging and uplifting. It is also extremely enlightening. This whole idea of God desiring ME is so simple yet so mind blowing all at the same time.

I was reflecting over a few things the last couple days, and I realized how I am so glad that God has this perfect plan for my life. I'm also EXTREMELY thankful that God doesn't answer every request that I have because it is not in His will. I love working with teens because it gives me opportunities to share my experiences with God and personal parts of my testimony.

When I talk with many 16 year old girls, I love hearing about their desires for their futures, which typically involves their current crush. However, it got me thinking back to when I was 16, and when I was 16, I had a very different plan for my life. My 16 year old self would be dying if she saw how my life turned out. She'd be dying because it wasn't anything how she pictured or dreamed it to be. At 16 I imagined I would meet the man of my dreams sometime between then and 18. I would be engaged when I was about 19 or 20. I would finish my teaching degree in elementary education (not anything related with special education) at the age of 21. I would graduate in April and be married in May or June. I would have a job lined up and start working right away. I would be happily married for about 3 years before trying for kids. And voila! At the age of 25, I would have the makings of a happy little family with the perfect job. Sounds delightful, right?

Well let's take a look at how life really turned out since the age of 16: I changed my degree from music therapy to secondary education with a focus in special education within my first year of college.  I never dated a guy while I was in college or in general for that matter. I did graduate at the age of 21. I decided I didn't want to try for a job but would rather pursue graduate school right away, while substitute teaching on the side. I realized a year after obtaining my teaching degree that I was finally ready to have a "real" teaching job. It took months before landing my current, amazing job. I was 22 and three weeks into the 2011-2012 school year when I started. I finally finished my Master's degree at the age of 24. I've been on two fantastic mission trips to Africa. And, that pretty much sums up my life to the present day. It is now the summer of 2013, and I turn 25 in approximately 6 months. To date, I have yet to really date a guy...that's kind of a big deal because that is opening the door for a larger commitment. I've made a whole-hearted decision to wait until marriage to have my first kiss (my 16 year old self would be gagging right now). What I'm most looking forward to, as in a relationship, is that I can say to the man I married that I truly saved every experience for him. I want my heart to be completely in it, not 99% or 80% but 100%. When I marry the man that God sees me with, I will be sure that 100% of myself is being given to him and only him. As for right now, I'm just happy to be where I'm at, where God has placed me. His timing is perfect, and I am learning patience is the most wonderful yet one of the most difficult virtues to uphold.

I know God has a purpose in every opportunity I encounter. Sometimes life may not go as expected. Okay, pretty much nothing has gone as expected. But, you know what? That's perfectly fine. I wouldn't have it any other way. I've learned a lot from the 24 years I've journeyed with God. I've had my miserable, horrific moments, and I've had my joyous, euphoric moments. However, through it all, God has always been there. I am so beyond ecstatic to serve a God who created me in His image, who formed me to reflect His love and beauty, who gave me unique gifts to worship Him, and above all else, who desires for me to commune with Him every single moment of every single day. How much better could it get?! Well, it can't! That's why I CHOOSE to desire God.

Back home

After 32+ hours of travel, the team has finally arrived home safely. It has been quite the journey over the past 16 days. I am so glad to be home and back with my family. It is kind of strange getting back into the swing of things, though. I miss waking up in the mornings to have breakfast and devotions with the amazing 33 people. I miss the always constant weather of cool in the mornings and warm in the afternoon with gorgeous blue skies followed by star-filled evenings. As I'm typing this, it is saddening to look outside to gray skies and no sign of the sun. However, I am appreciative of where I live and how much God has blessed me.

Spending the last few days in Livingstone has given me quite a bit of time to reflect on this trip. One person asked me how this year was different from last year. That's a tough question but a great one. This trip has been different, not that I would expect it to be the same. The most noticeable difference is the fact that I was excited to be coming back home this year. Last year, I, honestly, was not looking forward to coming home. Actually upon returning, I became extremely isolated because I was so moved by what I saw but not sure how to handle it, emotionally. Not that I'm not moved this year, but I was so touched last year that I would have dropped everything and relocated to Africa. Once I processed everything during the summer of 2012, I was able to learn quite a bit and apply it to my life here in America. Now, going back a second time, I am still in love with the country of Zambia. However, I have such a greater appreciation of how God has blessed me with my family, friends, home, job, and church family. I've realized over this last year that God has placed me in my current position for a reason and for that I am thankful.

I can't wait to see how I'm going to use everything that I've learned from this trip. I'm still in the process of doing a lot of reflecting. However, if I was asked to describe my emotions from this trip in one word, it would have to be GRATEFUL. Grateful for a loving family. Grateful for clean water. Grateful for safe food to eat and ALWAYS having food any time I want. Grateful for access to multiple Bibles in my house. Grateful to be living in a house that has running water, working electricity, and a roof that doesn't leak. Grateful for my cozy bed and comfortable living environment. Grateful for a plethora of clothes and shoes. Grateful for all the "wants" God has blessed me with, even if I necessarily don't "need" them. Grateful for a job. Grateful for all the opportunities God gives me. Overall, just grateful!

What a week

Exhausted may not even begin to describe how I feel. Six days on the field has left me with many memories.  It also left me drained, emotionally. However, it is great how God has His way of giving a little boost to kick me out of the exhaustion.

The beginning of today started out with a bit of disappointment. I was supposed to be shadowing at the high school in Africa, but unfortunately things fell through. That meant I was back on outreach. Not that I didn't want to be on outreach because that is the team I asked to be a part of, but I was looking forward to a change in a pace. I felt like I was just giving all of myself over the past few days, and I wasn't sure how much more energy I had left.

It is awesome how God has a different plan. I was reminded how I just needed to rest in Him and not rely on my own strength - Zechariah 4:6. Part of the reason for hitting a wall was that I had so many emotions going through my mind. Today marks the 5 month anniversary of my grandma's death. I miss her more today than words can truly describe. I know she is much happier with Jesus, but I still miss her like crazy. And sometimes, I still cry...like last night and this morning. God was able to quiet my heart and speak to me through Psalms. He just reminded me to rest and reflect on His goodness.

So, today consisted of a new adventure: water filtration team. I REALLY wanted to do it and was so blessed to be a part of a four person team. We were able to go into the homes of multiple people, install water filters for lifetime clean water, and share the gospel of the living water, Jesus. It was a beautiful experience. The homes are so unique and the people are so special. My heart was completely stilled. I will never be able to see something so humbling again.

I am constantly being reminded that my life is not my own. Even though I may want something so much, God may have a different plan. And, that plan will be something better than I EVER could have imagined on my own.

Tomorrow is our last day before heading to Livingstone. I can't believe how fast the last week and a half has gone. The next 24 hours are going to be a great time of reflection to see how God will stretch us in the village one final time. This will probably be the last post until Livingstone. Shalinipo until then!

Two down...

...and one to go!

That's right, we have been on the field for 5 days now. We finished working in our second village today. Tomorrow we embark on the journey to the new and last village of the trip.

This last village, Kabwata, has been amazing. I have been so blessed to get to know so many children and amazing interpreters. I just love the one I had for three days, Brendah. Her and I just clicked. She is so full of love. Words seriously cannot describe how much I am going to miss her. Although, I am fortunate enough to be able to see her one last time on Sunday and keep in touch with her on Facebook.

Today, I got to witness to so many people...and by many, I mean about 58+. It was jam packed in the outreach room! I literally didn't get a break for 4 or so hours. During my time, I was able to have such a serious conversation with three lovely little girls. They wanted to know more about Jesus and the Bible. It was absolutely wonderful, and it just broke my heart...in a good way.

My heart is so filled with joy! This last village has made the trip remind me why I love being here oh so much! I have learned so many things, like more about the language, Zambian games, and how to dance African style - although I have learned white girls (and guys) don't have the hips to make it work, haha.

Although I am sad to say good-bye to this village,  I am looking forward to meeting new people, as we transition to the new village tomorrow. So until then, mwende bwino!

Outreaching...like crazy

So it has been a crazy past three and a half days. After making the last post, I found out the kids from the LHI orphanage were coming to the hotel to open their gifts from their sponsors. I was so very excited to see the boy I fell in love with last year, Chisenga. He grew so much but seems to be doing so well. He still totally has a piece of my heart.

Anyway, about the villages. The first village we visited was an interesting experience. On a good note, the medical team saw 765 people in the two days we were there! The village itself was very different than anything I encountered last year. The kids at this village were very needy, touchy, and expected a lot, specifically to give them stuff. Sometimes it got kind of crazy. They literally carried one of our teams members and chanted while carrying him...so yeah, different. It was definitely eye-opening but still a good experience.

As for the second village, which was today, it was AMAZING!!! I played with the kids almost the ENTIRE time. The turn out wasn't great on the medical end due to a miscommunication, but the many kids that were there were so pleasant. I taught jump rope, played soccer, and learned how to play net-ball...which just might be my new favorite game, haha. I also am extremely burnt from the sun...literally my neck is as red as a tomato. I swear to you that I put on sunscreen but I guess that's what I get for 4+ hours of standing in the African sun and being extremely white. My body feels as if it is radiating heat...I guess it works with keeping me warm during the chillier evenings. :-P

As for other things, the weather has been chilly: low 70s/high 60s with a lot of wind. Today was an exception with little wind and warming up to somewhere between 75 and 80. I have been trying to take pictures, although sometimes it's hard when you're having too much fun being one of the kids.

I can't wait to see how the next few days will turn out. On a plus, I will be observing in the school in Ndola on Monday. I am so looking forward to comparing the school in Zambia to schools in America. I am sure it will be an enlightening experience.

We've arrived!

Well it has been a long 36+ hours, but the journey to Ndola has finally ended...or technically is just beginning. Between being over an hour delayed in Detroit and running through the terminals in Amsterdam, the travel has been an adventure. However, even with quite the adventure to start with, we arrived safely AND with all our luggage!

The weather right now is pretty cool. Probably between 70 and 80 in the afternoons and about 60 in the evening. The sun is gorgeous, as it shines throughout the entire day.

To say I missed being here is an understatement. It is almost as if I never left. Tonight is pill-packing for the medical/pharmacy team. Tomorrow begins the outreaches to the villages. Can't wait to see what's in store over the next couple weeks!

The adventure begins...

Well, it's been a while...a long while. I can't believe school has ended, and I'm leaving for Africa tomorrow. To make it short, as I haven't posted in a while, this year has been a crazy one! From working full time (well more than full time with tutoring on the side) to officially completing my Master's --oh yeah, I finished that 2 months ago!--to everything else that life hands you, it seems like it was never going to calm down. But it has, in a way.

I am more excited than ever to be going back to Zambia. However, it still hasn't quite hit me yet. I mean, yes I'm excited and my bags are packed, but it still seems so unreal. Until I board that plane, I don't think it will truly hit me that I'm going back to a country that I hold so dear and near to my heart.

I can't wait to be back in a country with people who are so passionate. Passionate about life, fellowship, and God. The appreciation and joy that is encountered there just seeps through every part of their body. And...it's contagious. Oh, and the music. To hear their voices, their powerful and melodic voices!

Okay, so maybe I'm more than excited and anxious to be going back. I've looked forward to it all year. Every chance I get to talk about my experience, I do. So, I'm ending it for now, but I'll be back in a few days when I have reached Africa.

All in God's timing

The last time I made a post on here was when I found out that a close friend of mine's father had died. It's been almost two months since then. A lot has happened in two months. A lot that has been unexpected, well slightly unexpected.

Almost a month ago, on January 24, my beautiful grandmother went to be with Jesus. My emotions have been all over the place. I was extremely close with my grandma. She was everything to me. I valued her opinion. In my selfish world, she went too soon. However, being that she suffered the five months prior to her death, I know that she is in a much better place and truly received the ultimate healing. My heart is completely torn. No one can understand the type of relationship I had with her nor what I'm really going through. I will cherish the memories we had and will remember her constantly. She was one of my greatest influences. I wouldn't be who am I today without her influence. I only hope that I could one day have half of the qualities she had.

Within the last two months, I have also discovered that my dad got remarried at the end of the year. My mom and him were officially divorced November 1. My dad married his new wife at the end of December. He was dating/seeing his new wife while my parents were still married. I just don't understand how with a Christian mindset this is seen as acceptable. I also don't understand how he can spend all the effort and money he wants into completely remodeling his house, but for the ten or so years he lived with us, he didn't put barely a penny into updating anything. I'm just frustrated...if you can't tell.

However, I've realized with my grandma's passing, my family growing closer, seeing my dad quickly move on, and past experiences/encounters with guys, I've realized I don't know if I'll ever be able to get married. I'll be honest in saying that I have major trust issues, and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a guy enough to marry him. I adore my family and can sometimes be seen as homebody. You know what, though, that's okay! I'd rather soak in every moment with my family and adopt children, instead of investing into a relationship that could potentially fall apart. I know this may seem like a slightly cynical comment. However, it's amazing how much other situations and people can influence a person's thinking. I've come to the conclusion that I have been hurt, emotionally. It's not that I don't want to get married because that desire is still completely and totally there. Maybe I just need to meet my "Mr. Right" in order to change that perspective, and he hasn't graced his presence in my life yet.

I'm learning that I'm content with where I'm at in my life. To be almost done with school. To be going back to Africa. To be purchasing my house. To be involved in worship through church and other places. To always be strengthening friendships and making new friends. To constantly be going on new adventures. To grow closer to my family. To continually pursue my relationship with Jesus.